I have always felt that you can only experience disappointment in another if you expect something of them they were never capable of giving in the first place. To make it simple, you do not go to the optometrist to fill a cavity.
Many personal relationships, whether they be familial, romantic or friendship are built on false expectations thereby creating an illusion of perfection that does not exists and lost is the reality of what the individuals themselves actually bring to the union. The idea that 'other' people should act the way we would like them to, results in much frustration. To accept someone for who they truly are is really a look at ourselves.
We use words like short comings to describe a lack of some sort in another. But truly, what is that? To acknowledge that in someone implies that they are not meeting our standards which are based on a biased personal judgement. Who can ever compete with that? Its no wonder that many relationships fail miserably.
The other day I asked a friend an opinion on an idea that I have. In the ensuing conversation he made a comment (surely in jest) to imply that if I was foolish enough to seek his help with bringing this idea to life, his behavior (and I'm assuming he meant, lack of commitment to the idea itself) would result in me being so grossly disappointed in him that I would want to see him come to bodily harm.
I would like to think of myself as being very astute when it comes to understanding people and human nature and know that I am extremely confident in that I recognized people's strength in a way that perhaps they do not. For me to have asked this person for his opinion on this particular matter, in my mind was a confirmation of something I am absolutely certain of and that is that he has the knowledge I need to structure this idea into something viable.
This is a person whom I respect immensely and admire profoundly. Knowing this individual has inspired me to want to be the best I can be so I was taken aback by his response thus causing me to ask myself some questions about my own behavior and attitude. Do I give off an air of such high expectations that I would possibly ask someone their opinion and assistance knowing full well they could never 'meet' my standards?
The short is answer is 'no'. I would not. If my question was of another nature, I would have asked someone else. To deliberately set someone up for failure is not something I can even comprehend. Yes, I do expect perfection, but I expect it of myself. Though, I am fully aware that it is impossible to achieve. When it comes to others, I only see who they are and not what I wish them to be. I have said in the past I am hard myself. It is true, but getting better. If I demanded that people live up to whatever their idea of my standards are, I would truly live a lonely and unhappy life. Who would put up with that? No one. I certainly wouldn't. It would be too hard.
I am a firm believer that people come into our lives, not so we can teach them, but so that we can learn who we really are by our interaction with them. Each person brings a unique stamp to any relationship and if based on mutual respect for the reality of who each individual is, then the rest is easy. When there is a lack of respect for the core or soul of another, then there can never be a satisfying relationship no matter what it is based on.
If we understand who the individuals in our lives truly are at their core, then we can interact with them in a way that first, makes us want to be the best we can and secondly perhaps invites the same in them.
When a person can be comfortable about who they are when they are with you, then the opportunity to witness the greatness of another human being presents itself. Imagine the self imposed bar being lowered. A person can feel free to act like who they are and NOT what they think YOU expect. Amazing things happen. They not only surprise you but more importantly they surprise themselves.
In fact, we are at our best when we are comfortable and secure in showing who we really are and knowing that we are in company that appreciates us for that one detail.
Showing posts with label insight. Show all posts
Showing posts with label insight. Show all posts
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Thursday, June 5, 2008
One Thing
The other day I was chatting with a woman who waits tables in the restaurant next to my store. I only know her as a familiar face and the daily wave of the hand and ‘hiya’ sort of way.
This particular morning she was about to do some planting in the flower boxes and realized she didn’t have a hand trowel so she stopped in to ask if I had one. I did not. I’m not much of a gardener so I don’t have the proper tools. In fact to use my name and gardener in the same sentence would be a sacrilege. Trowel? I used a large spoon to dig holes for my plants. I happily suggested she might try the same. She had a perplexed look on her face but humored me nonetheless. Minutes later she passed by waving a shiny new gardening tool she just purchased from the hardware store.
That afternoon, with the planting behind her, she popped in again this time to offer me the use of the trowel. My first planting has resulted in dry dead foliage in my flower boxes which were an eyesore and desperately needed replacing. I planted way too soon, and the rare May frost destroyed my efforts. She exclaimed “I have dirt all over me” (I did not see any) “But OH how I love to do this. I can work in dirt all day long!”
Of course me, being me, asked “Then why are you working in a restaurant? Why aren’t you working with a landscaper?” Her expression was interesting. It wasn’t the expression of ‘Gee, I never thought of that’ it was more the expression of ‘Is that even an option?”
She had been waiting tables for so many years that the idea that she could actually do something she loved and get paid for it was a foreign concept. It was not within her frame of reference. After all, she had built her entire life on income from a job she didn’t particularly love. It was a job. It paid the bills.
How many of us live that way? Well, the odds are great that I will say most of us.
We have jobs. We build careers and over many years we lose the focus as to why we do what we do. We build lives around what the career affords us and then sit in silent wonder of how it ever got that way. That sense of “there HAS to be more” is an acknowledgment that whatever it is we are doing does not fill that void, which by the way, we can’t put our finger on. But how can 'it' be filled without knowing what “it’ is?
In everyone’s life there is something, perhaps one thing that we do which gives us a sense of contentment. It’s the ultimate expression of who we truly are. If we nourish that part of ourselves it trickles down into everything else we do. It also opens doors we cannot begin to imagine. No jobs have to be quit to find it. Careers and lifestyles don’t need changing (unless one truly wants to do that), but to add another element to one’s life and take the fear out of doing something we truly love would add infinite peace and happiness to every other aspect of our lives.
I don’t believe in giving something up (unless it is harmful) but I do believe in adding something that makes us smile. If we allow ourselves the luxury of doing that one thing that makes us happy, just imagine how satisfying the rest of our world could be.
This particular morning she was about to do some planting in the flower boxes and realized she didn’t have a hand trowel so she stopped in to ask if I had one. I did not. I’m not much of a gardener so I don’t have the proper tools. In fact to use my name and gardener in the same sentence would be a sacrilege. Trowel? I used a large spoon to dig holes for my plants. I happily suggested she might try the same. She had a perplexed look on her face but humored me nonetheless. Minutes later she passed by waving a shiny new gardening tool she just purchased from the hardware store.
That afternoon, with the planting behind her, she popped in again this time to offer me the use of the trowel. My first planting has resulted in dry dead foliage in my flower boxes which were an eyesore and desperately needed replacing. I planted way too soon, and the rare May frost destroyed my efforts. She exclaimed “I have dirt all over me” (I did not see any) “But OH how I love to do this. I can work in dirt all day long!”
Of course me, being me, asked “Then why are you working in a restaurant? Why aren’t you working with a landscaper?” Her expression was interesting. It wasn’t the expression of ‘Gee, I never thought of that’ it was more the expression of ‘Is that even an option?”
She had been waiting tables for so many years that the idea that she could actually do something she loved and get paid for it was a foreign concept. It was not within her frame of reference. After all, she had built her entire life on income from a job she didn’t particularly love. It was a job. It paid the bills.
How many of us live that way? Well, the odds are great that I will say most of us.
We have jobs. We build careers and over many years we lose the focus as to why we do what we do. We build lives around what the career affords us and then sit in silent wonder of how it ever got that way. That sense of “there HAS to be more” is an acknowledgment that whatever it is we are doing does not fill that void, which by the way, we can’t put our finger on. But how can 'it' be filled without knowing what “it’ is?
In everyone’s life there is something, perhaps one thing that we do which gives us a sense of contentment. It’s the ultimate expression of who we truly are. If we nourish that part of ourselves it trickles down into everything else we do. It also opens doors we cannot begin to imagine. No jobs have to be quit to find it. Careers and lifestyles don’t need changing (unless one truly wants to do that), but to add another element to one’s life and take the fear out of doing something we truly love would add infinite peace and happiness to every other aspect of our lives.
I don’t believe in giving something up (unless it is harmful) but I do believe in adding something that makes us smile. If we allow ourselves the luxury of doing that one thing that makes us happy, just imagine how satisfying the rest of our world could be.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Piece of my Heart
Tonight I had the privilege of seeing an old friend.
Being here I don't get to the movies as often as I had in NY. There I lived a block away from a ten screen theater and saw countless movies over the years. Here, something I took for granted back home can only be a 'planned' event. So a friend and I drove 26 miles into the nearest town with a movie theater to see 'Sex and the City'.
I was never a fan of the HBO series though it was so popular that I knew what was going on at any given time. For one thing, I couldn't really relate to it. The clothes, the SHOES and basically the life style. They'd never make a show about my life. I don't imagine having an audience bored to tears makes for great ratings. Toward the series end, I did watch the last few shows and though a couple of the characters made me crazy (two of whom I could never be friends with) there was one central character that made me smile and I'm not talking Carrie Bradshaw.
I'm talking "The City" itself.
The experience of seeing a movie like that in the heart of a small town is vastly different than had I seen it back home.
There were glimpses of streets I've walked and restaurants I've dined in. There were jokes that only New Yorkers could have the faintest idea of the meaning. The proverbial 'inside joke'. Had I been in the city watching this movie, the laughter would have been contagious with heads nodding and whispers of 'yeah, I totally get that'. As it was, the giggling and nodding was done by a party of one. Me. I'm sure I became annoying to my friend when I would spout gems like: "I know that street". "I've had dinner in that restaurant". "Oh the library, I've actually been at a party there". She didn't tell me to shut up because I think she understood what I was feeling.
There is a scene in the movie which takes place on the south side of the New York Public Library and reminded me of the many times over many years when I would walk home from work and cut across Bryant Park. At that very moment I felt a giant tug at my heart. I missed it. I could feel my wonderful city come through the big screen for me. The affect won't be the same for everyone who sees it. If the city is a daily part of the viewer's life then its just that. If they've never been in the city, the city, as a character, is not one they could readily relate to. But for me, it was the one character I knew intimately. A character I know and love and totally understand.
It was almost like seeing an old lover. The one who for some incomprehensible reason (to you) didn't work out even though you were of like mind. The one, who if you did run into, you'd recognize that a piece of your heart was still held by them and you'd know that you would never actually have it back but also that it was in a safe place. That was what watching this movie was for me. I feel as though I've found a box of ancient photos in the back of my Mother's closet and the pictures are shading me with a sense of nostalgia that if I'm not careful can become heavy on my heart.
The City can be unforgiving and forgiving all at once. There is room for error and then none. It is bigger than life itself. It is difficult to understand the energy and the life which grows from it unless one experiences it for themselves. Only when one decides to step away can one truly understand the hole it leaves in the core of one's being.
Like a child experiencing the fear of stepping out into the unknown without a real plan, at this very moment I long to be standing on the balcony of my old apartment and gazing at the contours of the East River and the twinkling lights of all the bridges. I am fortunate I got to live my dream. My idea of the ultimate apartment in the city. High in the heavens with a view that was breathtaking. I chose that life. It was something I desired for a long time and I brought it to me.
Just as I have brought this life to me now.
Time will tell whether my old love and I will finally find a way to be together again with a better understanding of how we relate. For now I will be grateful for the opportunity of experiencing what can possibly turn out to be a trial separation.
Absence truly makes the heart grow fonder.
Being here I don't get to the movies as often as I had in NY. There I lived a block away from a ten screen theater and saw countless movies over the years. Here, something I took for granted back home can only be a 'planned' event. So a friend and I drove 26 miles into the nearest town with a movie theater to see 'Sex and the City'.
I was never a fan of the HBO series though it was so popular that I knew what was going on at any given time. For one thing, I couldn't really relate to it. The clothes, the SHOES and basically the life style. They'd never make a show about my life. I don't imagine having an audience bored to tears makes for great ratings. Toward the series end, I did watch the last few shows and though a couple of the characters made me crazy (two of whom I could never be friends with) there was one central character that made me smile and I'm not talking Carrie Bradshaw.
I'm talking "The City" itself.
The experience of seeing a movie like that in the heart of a small town is vastly different than had I seen it back home.
There were glimpses of streets I've walked and restaurants I've dined in. There were jokes that only New Yorkers could have the faintest idea of the meaning. The proverbial 'inside joke'. Had I been in the city watching this movie, the laughter would have been contagious with heads nodding and whispers of 'yeah, I totally get that'. As it was, the giggling and nodding was done by a party of one. Me. I'm sure I became annoying to my friend when I would spout gems like: "I know that street". "I've had dinner in that restaurant". "Oh the library, I've actually been at a party there". She didn't tell me to shut up because I think she understood what I was feeling.
There is a scene in the movie which takes place on the south side of the New York Public Library and reminded me of the many times over many years when I would walk home from work and cut across Bryant Park. At that very moment I felt a giant tug at my heart. I missed it. I could feel my wonderful city come through the big screen for me. The affect won't be the same for everyone who sees it. If the city is a daily part of the viewer's life then its just that. If they've never been in the city, the city, as a character, is not one they could readily relate to. But for me, it was the one character I knew intimately. A character I know and love and totally understand.
It was almost like seeing an old lover. The one who for some incomprehensible reason (to you) didn't work out even though you were of like mind. The one, who if you did run into, you'd recognize that a piece of your heart was still held by them and you'd know that you would never actually have it back but also that it was in a safe place. That was what watching this movie was for me. I feel as though I've found a box of ancient photos in the back of my Mother's closet and the pictures are shading me with a sense of nostalgia that if I'm not careful can become heavy on my heart.
The City can be unforgiving and forgiving all at once. There is room for error and then none. It is bigger than life itself. It is difficult to understand the energy and the life which grows from it unless one experiences it for themselves. Only when one decides to step away can one truly understand the hole it leaves in the core of one's being.
Like a child experiencing the fear of stepping out into the unknown without a real plan, at this very moment I long to be standing on the balcony of my old apartment and gazing at the contours of the East River and the twinkling lights of all the bridges. I am fortunate I got to live my dream. My idea of the ultimate apartment in the city. High in the heavens with a view that was breathtaking. I chose that life. It was something I desired for a long time and I brought it to me.
Just as I have brought this life to me now.
Time will tell whether my old love and I will finally find a way to be together again with a better understanding of how we relate. For now I will be grateful for the opportunity of experiencing what can possibly turn out to be a trial separation.
Absence truly makes the heart grow fonder.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Change
A friend once said to me "We'll have all the answers when we die". Perhaps a morbid way to begin this post but maybe there is something to that way of thinking.
I am not alone in that I search for answers on a daily basis. Why am I here? What is my purpose? What is it I'm supposed to do? Well, maybe I'm doing it.
Somehow it seems like I'm to do more, yet I don't know what that 'more' is. So I search. I think that as long I just take each moment as it comes and make my choices as they present themselves, that is what I'm supposed to be doing.
I come from a world filled with worry about tomorrow. Advancing in career. Building the 401K. Kids. College. Saving for a rainy day. Etc... Very few of us worry about this minute because while we are in this 'minute' it comes and goes, we do whatever it is that is being asked of us and we don't give another thought to the fact that we made a choice regarding how we will spend our lives. Even if we are doing nothing. You see, minutes become hours which become days which become, well, you get the picture. Doing nothing is a choice.
My world of calculated responses and timing is finding its way into the past and as much as I'd like to orchestrate my existence, I'm finding that I really don't have control of many things that present themselves. Nor does anyone. The only control I have is how I deal with each individual situation in any given point in time.
Its truly quite refreshing. This is not in the least to imply that I am stress free. Believe me I am far from that. But I will tell you I am far less stressed than I was 4 months ago. What has changed? Nothing except my attitude.
I have been torn with the desire to 'go back' but I understand I can't really ever go back. Sure, I can physically return to NY, get a job, continue my life as it was but I would not be going back as who I was, I'd be going back as who I am now. A very different person. To the outside world I am quite the same. I still have a sick sense of humor. I am still a workaholic, I still have the desire to not fail, and I am STILL very hard on myself, but now for vastly different reasons. Now its because I'm doing what I want for me, and not because it looks good to the anyone else.
Jobs, homes, family, those things don't make you who you are, who you are in relationship to those things is the key to putting them in perspective.
Its very misty outside. It has been raining since yesterday. I was up just before 6 this morning which is very early even for me. The mist was like a blanket on the lake as is the case most mornings but today I thought how different the natural landscape looked. I'm sure it doesn't look the same as it had one thousand years ago, but the changes would have been ever so subtle and it would be as it was yesterday. I don't expect there to be much change in what remains of my life time. What changed was my perception of it.
It that minute it looked peaceful yet foreboding. As I sit here and write, the sun is trying strenuously to break through the cloud cover and the mist is slowly disappearing. The still water once again reflects the light and every once in a while a duck will come in for a crash landing which disturbs the mirror image I look at. Nothing has radically changed. The landscape is still the same. With every passing day I realize that I am I coming to know this landscape more intimately than ever and now I am beginning to perceive even the slightest nuances of change. The illusion of stillness is just that. An illusion.
Such is the life we live. When we come to truly know ourselves, we are in tuned to the nuances of our lives. Maybe, my friend is right. The answer will take care of themselves and all we really need to do is just learn how to be.
I am not alone in that I search for answers on a daily basis. Why am I here? What is my purpose? What is it I'm supposed to do? Well, maybe I'm doing it.
Somehow it seems like I'm to do more, yet I don't know what that 'more' is. So I search. I think that as long I just take each moment as it comes and make my choices as they present themselves, that is what I'm supposed to be doing.
I come from a world filled with worry about tomorrow. Advancing in career. Building the 401K. Kids. College. Saving for a rainy day. Etc... Very few of us worry about this minute because while we are in this 'minute' it comes and goes, we do whatever it is that is being asked of us and we don't give another thought to the fact that we made a choice regarding how we will spend our lives. Even if we are doing nothing. You see, minutes become hours which become days which become, well, you get the picture. Doing nothing is a choice.
My world of calculated responses and timing is finding its way into the past and as much as I'd like to orchestrate my existence, I'm finding that I really don't have control of many things that present themselves. Nor does anyone. The only control I have is how I deal with each individual situation in any given point in time.
Its truly quite refreshing. This is not in the least to imply that I am stress free. Believe me I am far from that. But I will tell you I am far less stressed than I was 4 months ago. What has changed? Nothing except my attitude.
I have been torn with the desire to 'go back' but I understand I can't really ever go back. Sure, I can physically return to NY, get a job, continue my life as it was but I would not be going back as who I was, I'd be going back as who I am now. A very different person. To the outside world I am quite the same. I still have a sick sense of humor. I am still a workaholic, I still have the desire to not fail, and I am STILL very hard on myself, but now for vastly different reasons. Now its because I'm doing what I want for me, and not because it looks good to the anyone else.
Jobs, homes, family, those things don't make you who you are, who you are in relationship to those things is the key to putting them in perspective.
Its very misty outside. It has been raining since yesterday. I was up just before 6 this morning which is very early even for me. The mist was like a blanket on the lake as is the case most mornings but today I thought how different the natural landscape looked. I'm sure it doesn't look the same as it had one thousand years ago, but the changes would have been ever so subtle and it would be as it was yesterday. I don't expect there to be much change in what remains of my life time. What changed was my perception of it.
It that minute it looked peaceful yet foreboding. As I sit here and write, the sun is trying strenuously to break through the cloud cover and the mist is slowly disappearing. The still water once again reflects the light and every once in a while a duck will come in for a crash landing which disturbs the mirror image I look at. Nothing has radically changed. The landscape is still the same. With every passing day I realize that I am I coming to know this landscape more intimately than ever and now I am beginning to perceive even the slightest nuances of change. The illusion of stillness is just that. An illusion.
Such is the life we live. When we come to truly know ourselves, we are in tuned to the nuances of our lives. Maybe, my friend is right. The answer will take care of themselves and all we really need to do is just learn how to be.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Listen & You Shall Hear
Its raining this morning. I love rain. To me rain is magical. I look at it as God's way of washing the earth. I don't mind getting caught in it, in fact last week while riding the last mile of a 32 mile bike ride, the sky just opened up. I was too far from my house to walk so I ventured on, though ever more carefully. Wet roads are quite slick and being on a bike with a one inch tire is a recipe for disaster if you are even thinking about being careless.
The blaring rock music I have playing when I'm riding was turned off, so I could better hear approaching cars. Ever notice that when you need to focus you turn down the volume on whatever electronic device you've got playing? Especially when you are alone. No one is talking to you so what gives? Why do we do that?
I think its our way of minimizing the distractions and thereby focusing on what needs to be done. The answer will come either way, it'll just be apparent faster when all is quiet.
Hmmm. I think I'm on to something here.
Today is May 31st, and I've been in Vermont now for the better part of 5 months. As I look back on this experience what brought me here is quite obvious. What is not so obvious is what makes me stay. After all, almost everything I know and love can be found 250 miles away.
I've turned down the IPOD.
I am learning to listen without the noise and distractions of my old life. Don't misunderstand me here. This is where I have to stress that by distractions I mean the old goals that defined how I approached situations. I still have bills to pay. I still work and I work harder than I ever have. The income is substantially less but the satisfaction level has exploded to levels I never thought possible without the added comfort of multiple zeros at the end of a number. Gone are the titles (although I am President of my own LLC) because titles define and in effect (and in my opinion) are meaningless. Its the corporate world's way of of defining accountability.
While IMing with a friend yesterday I mentioned that I was pursuing something interesting (at least to me). I'm not sure what will come of it, but I know it feels right to give it a shot. He said "Is there ANYTHING you won't try?" I laughed because outside of something that would harm me, then the answer is probably no. I was never afraid of failure and I'm still not. If something feels 'right' then you owe it to yourself to give it a go. If it doesn't feel 'right' then its a moot point. You NEVER go after something that doesn't feel right to you, even if logic says it is. That wouldn't be failure, that would be stupidity.
Many books today say "you know the 'truth' about something from how you 'feel' about it". Think about that for a while. How many times do you think you've said "I should have known better"?
You did know better, unfortunately you realized it in retrospect. But what if you could train yourself to realize it AT THAT MOMENT? If you really listen, you will find you always do know. The problem is that you usually disregard that feeling and listen to your head instead. Its when you deliberately do the opposite of what that little voice tells you that you find yourself uttering those words.
Its quite a revelation really, this listening thing. I've always had the knack to do the 'right' thing as it affected my life. I've always been in tuned with that little voice that directed me. But now, its been kicked up a notch.
I still have a way to go before I can begin to truly understand why I needed to go through this period. Sure, I could have stayed in NY and by most statistics I would have had another job by now, but that part did not seem 'right'. As much as I forced myself to 'want' that, deep down inside I did not. So here I am. Yes, I gave up a tremendous amount. As one of my closest friends will say, "But you won't be able to afford Jimmy Choos!" True, but the reality is for this life style I don't need them. Its amazing when you learn what it is you really need and not just have because you 'have to' have something. It's all a question of priorities. Do you realize we create our own priorities and then complain?
The result of what is happening is that I am become far more aware of how I feel about things. People, circumstances, job offers. Yes, there have been a few. None of them seemed right and part of me thinks I am foolish for not accepting one but the part I am coming to know really well is comfortable in the fact that all this is very temporary and when the 'right' set of circumstances present themselves I will 'know'.
That 'knowing' is God's way of talking to me and now that I've turned down the MP3 player, I can really hear.
The blaring rock music I have playing when I'm riding was turned off, so I could better hear approaching cars. Ever notice that when you need to focus you turn down the volume on whatever electronic device you've got playing? Especially when you are alone. No one is talking to you so what gives? Why do we do that?
I think its our way of minimizing the distractions and thereby focusing on what needs to be done. The answer will come either way, it'll just be apparent faster when all is quiet.
Hmmm. I think I'm on to something here.
Today is May 31st, and I've been in Vermont now for the better part of 5 months. As I look back on this experience what brought me here is quite obvious. What is not so obvious is what makes me stay. After all, almost everything I know and love can be found 250 miles away.
I've turned down the IPOD.
I am learning to listen without the noise and distractions of my old life. Don't misunderstand me here. This is where I have to stress that by distractions I mean the old goals that defined how I approached situations. I still have bills to pay. I still work and I work harder than I ever have. The income is substantially less but the satisfaction level has exploded to levels I never thought possible without the added comfort of multiple zeros at the end of a number. Gone are the titles (although I am President of my own LLC) because titles define and in effect (and in my opinion) are meaningless. Its the corporate world's way of of defining accountability.
While IMing with a friend yesterday I mentioned that I was pursuing something interesting (at least to me). I'm not sure what will come of it, but I know it feels right to give it a shot. He said "Is there ANYTHING you won't try?" I laughed because outside of something that would harm me, then the answer is probably no. I was never afraid of failure and I'm still not. If something feels 'right' then you owe it to yourself to give it a go. If it doesn't feel 'right' then its a moot point. You NEVER go after something that doesn't feel right to you, even if logic says it is. That wouldn't be failure, that would be stupidity.
Many books today say "you know the 'truth' about something from how you 'feel' about it". Think about that for a while. How many times do you think you've said "I should have known better"?
You did know better, unfortunately you realized it in retrospect. But what if you could train yourself to realize it AT THAT MOMENT? If you really listen, you will find you always do know. The problem is that you usually disregard that feeling and listen to your head instead. Its when you deliberately do the opposite of what that little voice tells you that you find yourself uttering those words.
Its quite a revelation really, this listening thing. I've always had the knack to do the 'right' thing as it affected my life. I've always been in tuned with that little voice that directed me. But now, its been kicked up a notch.
I still have a way to go before I can begin to truly understand why I needed to go through this period. Sure, I could have stayed in NY and by most statistics I would have had another job by now, but that part did not seem 'right'. As much as I forced myself to 'want' that, deep down inside I did not. So here I am. Yes, I gave up a tremendous amount. As one of my closest friends will say, "But you won't be able to afford Jimmy Choos!" True, but the reality is for this life style I don't need them. Its amazing when you learn what it is you really need and not just have because you 'have to' have something. It's all a question of priorities. Do you realize we create our own priorities and then complain?
The result of what is happening is that I am become far more aware of how I feel about things. People, circumstances, job offers. Yes, there have been a few. None of them seemed right and part of me thinks I am foolish for not accepting one but the part I am coming to know really well is comfortable in the fact that all this is very temporary and when the 'right' set of circumstances present themselves I will 'know'.
That 'knowing' is God's way of talking to me and now that I've turned down the MP3 player, I can really hear.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
The Lotto Ticket
Anyone who has ever done a load of laundry will attest to the fact that there are a few things that can happen that leaves one muttering 'uh oh'.
I'm not talking about accidentally throwing in a red top with a load of white. We've all from time to time experienced the disappearing sock trick. Where do they go?
This morning while cleaning the lint trap of my dryer, I noticed a clump of what I thought was, after all, lint. Lint trap. Lint. Makes sense to me. But there was something odd about this particular clump. It wasn't lint, it was paper. Paper that had been washed and spun and ultimately dried to smithereens and here it was, finding it's next to final resting place in the lint trap (the garbage being the final).
Of course it is not often that I closely inspect the lint I remove from the lint trap but here I was, staring at this little tight clump trying to figure out what it had been in it's former life. I'm usually pretty good about emptying pockets before the clothes are tossed into the machine, but OK, occasionally I miss something as what seemed to be the case here. Staring at it I noticed the distinct pink colors which make up the lotto tickets in my State. Hmmmm.
I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, a lotto devotee. Every once in a great while I will splurge a dollar or two on an enormously huge prize where the odds are increasingly against me as the prize value becomes stratospheric. Since I do not purchase chance tickets often I tend to forget what I do with them as soon as I leave the store. I know people who care for their tickets so well that they have plastic sleeves for them. Some use magnets and display them on their refrigerator. I stick them in whatever pocket or purse is accessible at the moment and then immediately dismiss them from my short term memory. I will usually find them in pockets before they go into the wash or, if I happen to toss the tickets in a purse, they will stay in that purse until the next time I use it. I switch purses often leading me to find tickets many months once later and usually once the claim period has expired. Some sadistic part of me wants to know whether or not the numbers on my ticket actually came out so I look up the winning numbers for that date. So far, thankfully they haven't.
This morning while holding this tiny wad of paper the only thing I thought was "wow, what a waste". It wasn't about the dollar spent, some part of me looked at it as a missed opportunity. Granted, the odds that there were numbers on that ticket that would have miraculously matched a set of winning numbers were slim to none. But that wasn't what I was thinking. All because of some slight oversight on my part, I will never know whether or not the numbers would have brought forth a small fortune.
As I continue on this interesting path I call 'my life', I need to be conscious of the fact that there are opportunities out there and if I'm too busy worrying about where I'm going and the possible future opportunities, I will not notice where I am and the opportunities that present themselves in the now. Not all will be apparent. In fact sometimes they will present themselves as that 'gut feel' about a person, or event or place or circumstances.
I think my biggest fear right now is that I HAVE to do something even though 'my gut' says no. Lay low. Let it come because you will know it when it does. Does that make me lazy? Unambitious? A recluse? No. I believe for me I am finally beginning to understand that I don't need to control every aspect of my life. The only things I need to control are the choices that I make regarding the circumstances that present themselves, now.
Training ourselves to really listen to the part of us that is inaudible is not easy. There is an opportunity that presented itself some months ago and that I'm finally pursuing. Its not simple because the balance of my life would completely change. It is something that if I do, I need the help of someone else. I cannot do it alone.
That is a concept that is entirely foreign to me. For as long as I remember, I have achieved everything on my own. Yes, I've had the benefit of mentors but I'm talking about achieving levels purely by focus and desire. I've earned everything I have.
But now, this opportunity requires me to relinquish control of a portion of it in order for it to be successful. The dilemma is not whether or not it would work out, the dilemma is whether or not I can 'let go'. Somehow I have to truly look at how I feel about leaving a part of the control to another. Is this the right opportunity? Can I possibly over think something. Oh yeah. Part of my nature. My gut says I should pursue it and let it take on a life of its own without me micromanaging every outcome. Let the chips fall where they may. I have to also understand there is a difference between letting something happen and making something happen. Forcing something to happen may not be in any one's best interest. Being AWARE of something and letting it happen is by far the more natural choice.
After all, I don't want this opportunity to be a lotto ticket that winds up in the lint trap.
I'm not talking about accidentally throwing in a red top with a load of white. We've all from time to time experienced the disappearing sock trick. Where do they go?
This morning while cleaning the lint trap of my dryer, I noticed a clump of what I thought was, after all, lint. Lint trap. Lint. Makes sense to me. But there was something odd about this particular clump. It wasn't lint, it was paper. Paper that had been washed and spun and ultimately dried to smithereens and here it was, finding it's next to final resting place in the lint trap (the garbage being the final).
Of course it is not often that I closely inspect the lint I remove from the lint trap but here I was, staring at this little tight clump trying to figure out what it had been in it's former life. I'm usually pretty good about emptying pockets before the clothes are tossed into the machine, but OK, occasionally I miss something as what seemed to be the case here. Staring at it I noticed the distinct pink colors which make up the lotto tickets in my State. Hmmmm.
I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, a lotto devotee. Every once in a great while I will splurge a dollar or two on an enormously huge prize where the odds are increasingly against me as the prize value becomes stratospheric. Since I do not purchase chance tickets often I tend to forget what I do with them as soon as I leave the store. I know people who care for their tickets so well that they have plastic sleeves for them. Some use magnets and display them on their refrigerator. I stick them in whatever pocket or purse is accessible at the moment and then immediately dismiss them from my short term memory. I will usually find them in pockets before they go into the wash or, if I happen to toss the tickets in a purse, they will stay in that purse until the next time I use it. I switch purses often leading me to find tickets many months once later and usually once the claim period has expired. Some sadistic part of me wants to know whether or not the numbers on my ticket actually came out so I look up the winning numbers for that date. So far, thankfully they haven't.
This morning while holding this tiny wad of paper the only thing I thought was "wow, what a waste". It wasn't about the dollar spent, some part of me looked at it as a missed opportunity. Granted, the odds that there were numbers on that ticket that would have miraculously matched a set of winning numbers were slim to none. But that wasn't what I was thinking. All because of some slight oversight on my part, I will never know whether or not the numbers would have brought forth a small fortune.
As I continue on this interesting path I call 'my life', I need to be conscious of the fact that there are opportunities out there and if I'm too busy worrying about where I'm going and the possible future opportunities, I will not notice where I am and the opportunities that present themselves in the now. Not all will be apparent. In fact sometimes they will present themselves as that 'gut feel' about a person, or event or place or circumstances.
I think my biggest fear right now is that I HAVE to do something even though 'my gut' says no. Lay low. Let it come because you will know it when it does. Does that make me lazy? Unambitious? A recluse? No. I believe for me I am finally beginning to understand that I don't need to control every aspect of my life. The only things I need to control are the choices that I make regarding the circumstances that present themselves, now.
Training ourselves to really listen to the part of us that is inaudible is not easy. There is an opportunity that presented itself some months ago and that I'm finally pursuing. Its not simple because the balance of my life would completely change. It is something that if I do, I need the help of someone else. I cannot do it alone.
That is a concept that is entirely foreign to me. For as long as I remember, I have achieved everything on my own. Yes, I've had the benefit of mentors but I'm talking about achieving levels purely by focus and desire. I've earned everything I have.
But now, this opportunity requires me to relinquish control of a portion of it in order for it to be successful. The dilemma is not whether or not it would work out, the dilemma is whether or not I can 'let go'. Somehow I have to truly look at how I feel about leaving a part of the control to another. Is this the right opportunity? Can I possibly over think something. Oh yeah. Part of my nature. My gut says I should pursue it and let it take on a life of its own without me micromanaging every outcome. Let the chips fall where they may. I have to also understand there is a difference between letting something happen and making something happen. Forcing something to happen may not be in any one's best interest. Being AWARE of something and letting it happen is by far the more natural choice.
After all, I don't want this opportunity to be a lotto ticket that winds up in the lint trap.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Spirituality
How do you find spirituality? Is it something that is lost ? Where do you begin to look?
I'd like to think of spirituality as something we always have though unfortunately spend most of our time 'looking' for. Much like being asleep, we are not in tuned with our surroundings. We only become aware of our environment when we awaken.
I believe that we all have it in us and the mistake we make it to try to find it elsewhere. If there was a store where you could buy it by the pound, rest assured the lines would be long. For most of us the 'store' is our place of worship. Notice I did not say 'Church'. This isn't reserved for just Christians, spirituality is universal. How we tap into it is as individual as who we are. If there was a recipe, we would all be cooking up a storm.
There is some agreement out there that one has to quiet the mind in order to to go deep within and touch that sacred part of ourselves. Who has time? Well, actually, we all do. No matter what our schedules, family circumstances, work commitments and so on, we all have a few seconds a day to just be aware that there is more out there than we are conscious of. In fact I will go out on a limb and say we do it all the time, we just don't make the connection. Meditation does help, but if you've read one of my previous posts, you'll know that like most people, I've yet to master it.
I have become aware that spirituality can be tapped into anywhere. Ever find yourself singing lyrics to a song on the radio? IPOD? Or perhaps just because it popped in your head? It doesn't have to be a religious or inspirational song. The fact that you are focused on the words put you somewhere outside of your head for those wonderful few moments.
Do the right words seem to pop out of a book or article you are reading? Do you notice a morning sky and marvel at the color or how the clouds float? Can you remember the first real snowfall of any season? How peaceful and serene the world looks blanketed in white? The little skip in your heart that says "wow, this is beautiful'. Those few seconds before the reality of getting kids dressed for school or having to warm up the car. Those few seconds are spirituality.
It is the noticing of the millions of tiny things that make our hearts smile. It is a feeling so wonderful and powerful that we want it to last forever or at least all day. The feelings are fleeting but they are there and we do experience them. We just don't necessarily recognize them for what they are. As we become more in tuned, we begin to understand that spirituality is not something that must be found. It was never lost. It surrounds us continuously.
The moment we become aware that we are looking for our spirituality is the moment we've entered the store. All we are required to do is notice what God put on the shelves.
I'd like to think of spirituality as something we always have though unfortunately spend most of our time 'looking' for. Much like being asleep, we are not in tuned with our surroundings. We only become aware of our environment when we awaken.
I believe that we all have it in us and the mistake we make it to try to find it elsewhere. If there was a store where you could buy it by the pound, rest assured the lines would be long. For most of us the 'store' is our place of worship. Notice I did not say 'Church'. This isn't reserved for just Christians, spirituality is universal. How we tap into it is as individual as who we are. If there was a recipe, we would all be cooking up a storm.
There is some agreement out there that one has to quiet the mind in order to to go deep within and touch that sacred part of ourselves. Who has time? Well, actually, we all do. No matter what our schedules, family circumstances, work commitments and so on, we all have a few seconds a day to just be aware that there is more out there than we are conscious of. In fact I will go out on a limb and say we do it all the time, we just don't make the connection. Meditation does help, but if you've read one of my previous posts, you'll know that like most people, I've yet to master it.
I have become aware that spirituality can be tapped into anywhere. Ever find yourself singing lyrics to a song on the radio? IPOD? Or perhaps just because it popped in your head? It doesn't have to be a religious or inspirational song. The fact that you are focused on the words put you somewhere outside of your head for those wonderful few moments.
Do the right words seem to pop out of a book or article you are reading? Do you notice a morning sky and marvel at the color or how the clouds float? Can you remember the first real snowfall of any season? How peaceful and serene the world looks blanketed in white? The little skip in your heart that says "wow, this is beautiful'. Those few seconds before the reality of getting kids dressed for school or having to warm up the car. Those few seconds are spirituality.
It is the noticing of the millions of tiny things that make our hearts smile. It is a feeling so wonderful and powerful that we want it to last forever or at least all day. The feelings are fleeting but they are there and we do experience them. We just don't necessarily recognize them for what they are. As we become more in tuned, we begin to understand that spirituality is not something that must be found. It was never lost. It surrounds us continuously.
The moment we become aware that we are looking for our spirituality is the moment we've entered the store. All we are required to do is notice what God put on the shelves.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Abundance
What is Abundance?
Over the past few years there have been an increasing number of references to the word abundance. It has been discussed and discussed again in a number of books, talk shows etc. Growing up I always understood it to mean having more than enough of anything one could possibly want or need. I am coming to understand it in a totally different way.
I think for most people, and I will put myself in the mix, there is an underlying fear that we won't have abundance, further separating the haves from the have nots. I think the mistake we make is thinking that the words 'abundance' and 'money' are one and the same.
They are not.
I used to believe that if I made enough money, I would never lack for anything. But what did it really 'buy' me? Cool shoes? Nice clothes? A house that is too big for me or my needs? I can go on and on.
Money is not abundance. There is a saying which goes something like this "The level of your expenses will rise to meet the level of your income". Basically, the more you make the more you spend. Problems begin with spending more than you make. With ever increasing ways to get access to money one doesn't yet have, its no wonder that the sense of 'lack' is always surrounding us like a veil we can't quite see through.
I was reading an article this morning about the increasing number of survivalists and it got me thinking. God gave us everything we could ever need in order to survive. We are society of 'is anything ever enough'? This creates more of the sense of lacking . Nothing is ever enough. To make up for it we work longer hours, spend less time with family and friends and then wonder why is it we are so unhappy.
When shedding a way of life which no longer works for you there is a tendency to go through a withdrawal. We stop being grateful for that which we have, and instead our tendency is to focus on what we no longer have access to; regardless of whether it is something which is actually needed and therefore, necessary.
We were never meant to go without but every person's level of need is completely different from any other. My needs and desires are not the same as yours. Save of course, air to breathe there is very little that we all have in common in order to survive. You might say food or shelter, but even those would be wrong. The food my body needs and the food your body needs are not the same to function at peak. There are food allergies which prohibit one body from getting nourishment from the same food source which is indispensble to another. In fact, it may be downright poisonous for a person. Your idea of a home is completely different from mine. Where one person may be happy living in an apartment, another would be happy in a house and then we can go on to talk about the size of those abodes...you get the picture.
I think for me I have to begin looking at ways that my 'body' will best flourish. The answers as to which form of exercise, which types of foods etc., is right for me is as individual as who I am. Just like there are no two snowflakes alike, no two people are alike.
To create our abundance, we need to first understand what it is that we as individuals require to be happy. It doesn't come in a box or bag. We'll get snippets of it in things we read or hear. They will trigger a thought process which once it becomes ingrained, will lead us to find the balance that will create the sense of peace and happiness we desire.
It is there. It is within reach. All we really have to do is find it in ourselves to believe that we will be able to access that which will bring us contentment.
Over the past few years there have been an increasing number of references to the word abundance. It has been discussed and discussed again in a number of books, talk shows etc. Growing up I always understood it to mean having more than enough of anything one could possibly want or need. I am coming to understand it in a totally different way.
I think for most people, and I will put myself in the mix, there is an underlying fear that we won't have abundance, further separating the haves from the have nots. I think the mistake we make is thinking that the words 'abundance' and 'money' are one and the same.
They are not.
I used to believe that if I made enough money, I would never lack for anything. But what did it really 'buy' me? Cool shoes? Nice clothes? A house that is too big for me or my needs? I can go on and on.
Money is not abundance. There is a saying which goes something like this "The level of your expenses will rise to meet the level of your income". Basically, the more you make the more you spend. Problems begin with spending more than you make. With ever increasing ways to get access to money one doesn't yet have, its no wonder that the sense of 'lack' is always surrounding us like a veil we can't quite see through.
I was reading an article this morning about the increasing number of survivalists and it got me thinking. God gave us everything we could ever need in order to survive. We are society of 'is anything ever enough'? This creates more of the sense of lacking . Nothing is ever enough. To make up for it we work longer hours, spend less time with family and friends and then wonder why is it we are so unhappy.
When shedding a way of life which no longer works for you there is a tendency to go through a withdrawal. We stop being grateful for that which we have, and instead our tendency is to focus on what we no longer have access to; regardless of whether it is something which is actually needed and therefore, necessary.
We were never meant to go without but every person's level of need is completely different from any other. My needs and desires are not the same as yours. Save of course, air to breathe there is very little that we all have in common in order to survive. You might say food or shelter, but even those would be wrong. The food my body needs and the food your body needs are not the same to function at peak. There are food allergies which prohibit one body from getting nourishment from the same food source which is indispensble to another. In fact, it may be downright poisonous for a person. Your idea of a home is completely different from mine. Where one person may be happy living in an apartment, another would be happy in a house and then we can go on to talk about the size of those abodes...you get the picture.
I think for me I have to begin looking at ways that my 'body' will best flourish. The answers as to which form of exercise, which types of foods etc., is right for me is as individual as who I am. Just like there are no two snowflakes alike, no two people are alike.
To create our abundance, we need to first understand what it is that we as individuals require to be happy. It doesn't come in a box or bag. We'll get snippets of it in things we read or hear. They will trigger a thought process which once it becomes ingrained, will lead us to find the balance that will create the sense of peace and happiness we desire.
It is there. It is within reach. All we really have to do is find it in ourselves to believe that we will be able to access that which will bring us contentment.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Things
Like most people, I've spent a great deal of my adulthood accumulating 'things'. You never realize how many 'things' you have until you move.
I've moved so many times in the past 5 years that you'd think I'd have it down to a science. I don't. This most recent move, which I know will not be my last, finally made me break ties with many things which frankly, I don't need nor particularly want.
A local charity became the recipient of many items which were almost never used but would be welcome in any household. I don't believe in discarding things if they can benefit someone else.
As I unloaded what seemed to be most of my life, a sense of freedom (and panic) took over. This is what my entire existence is about these days. Giving up the old to make room for the new. I have no clue what the 'new' is, but I know that I am making plenty of space for it.
It amazes me how attached we get to those things which surround us even when there is no use or need for them. I gave away a brand new set of bake ware which I received as a bridal shower gift 20 years ago. I've been divorced for 17 of those years. Its not that the bake ware held any 'meaning' for me. The divorce was quite amicable. Two people realizing that they were better friends apart than together. But the bake ware was really nice and functional so I kept it and over the years, moved it from apartment to apartment. I think I used it 3 times.
As I packed boxes filled with my past and present, I wondered, mostly aloud, 'what am I doing with this stuff? I never use it." So off I went carting it over to the thrift store knowing full well that someone would make better use of these items than I would. All they did in my cabinet was collect dust.
I think that somewhere along the line we are taught to not throw things out. Much like 'eating everything on your plate'. We are taught to horde and when the time comes to break with the attachments we don't know how. Perhaps this mindset has trickled down from the Great Depression. Maybe its encoded in our DNA. Afterall, we were once hunters and gatherers. In this day and age, the only 'hunting' we do is in the local supermarket going up and down aisles to find what we need.
I believe that clearing space comes with a price. Shedding an old skin for untried new one. The word 'frightening' is an understatement. But what good does anything do if we hang on? Not much.
I'm learning that it is not the things you can live without, all that does is imply deprivation. I'm learning that I like what I live with. This is a completely different attitude. As we mature and our circumstances change we need to take the time to realize what it is that is important. The lifestyle we live determines what we need.
Giving up the urban life made me notice how many high heeled shoes I have. These go with dresses and suits which right now I have no use for. It was the costume of my 'old life'. This is not to say I don't like them, it is just a matter of having no reason to wear them. Do I miss it? Not by a long shot. I don't even think of it until I see the suits hanging in my closet. They are nice and they did have a purpose in another life, but not in this current one.
I'm learning. All I can think of right now is that I do have everything I really need. Everything else is just for show.
I've moved so many times in the past 5 years that you'd think I'd have it down to a science. I don't. This most recent move, which I know will not be my last, finally made me break ties with many things which frankly, I don't need nor particularly want.
A local charity became the recipient of many items which were almost never used but would be welcome in any household. I don't believe in discarding things if they can benefit someone else.
As I unloaded what seemed to be most of my life, a sense of freedom (and panic) took over. This is what my entire existence is about these days. Giving up the old to make room for the new. I have no clue what the 'new' is, but I know that I am making plenty of space for it.
It amazes me how attached we get to those things which surround us even when there is no use or need for them. I gave away a brand new set of bake ware which I received as a bridal shower gift 20 years ago. I've been divorced for 17 of those years. Its not that the bake ware held any 'meaning' for me. The divorce was quite amicable. Two people realizing that they were better friends apart than together. But the bake ware was really nice and functional so I kept it and over the years, moved it from apartment to apartment. I think I used it 3 times.
As I packed boxes filled with my past and present, I wondered, mostly aloud, 'what am I doing with this stuff? I never use it." So off I went carting it over to the thrift store knowing full well that someone would make better use of these items than I would. All they did in my cabinet was collect dust.
I think that somewhere along the line we are taught to not throw things out. Much like 'eating everything on your plate'. We are taught to horde and when the time comes to break with the attachments we don't know how. Perhaps this mindset has trickled down from the Great Depression. Maybe its encoded in our DNA. Afterall, we were once hunters and gatherers. In this day and age, the only 'hunting' we do is in the local supermarket going up and down aisles to find what we need.
I believe that clearing space comes with a price. Shedding an old skin for untried new one. The word 'frightening' is an understatement. But what good does anything do if we hang on? Not much.
I'm learning that it is not the things you can live without, all that does is imply deprivation. I'm learning that I like what I live with. This is a completely different attitude. As we mature and our circumstances change we need to take the time to realize what it is that is important. The lifestyle we live determines what we need.
Giving up the urban life made me notice how many high heeled shoes I have. These go with dresses and suits which right now I have no use for. It was the costume of my 'old life'. This is not to say I don't like them, it is just a matter of having no reason to wear them. Do I miss it? Not by a long shot. I don't even think of it until I see the suits hanging in my closet. They are nice and they did have a purpose in another life, but not in this current one.
I'm learning. All I can think of right now is that I do have everything I really need. Everything else is just for show.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Journey
What is it about sunshine that makes everything seem OK? I think that even in our most stressful of moments, how we cope with a situation has a lot to do with whether the sun is shining or not.
I'm coming to accept that as we travel our journey we are having the experiences that are supposed to teach us our lessons. Some are more complicated than others. I've been told many many times I'm an 'old' Soul. I've also been told that I am a teacher, though not in the traditional sense of one-on-one or classroom.
My life for the past 6 months has been a little on the confusing side. Nothing seems to mesh. No matter what decisions I make, they don't work out. I totally believe it is because I have no sense of what it is I want, or what direction to go so the universe (God to me) allows for a multitude of opportunities and too many choices.
I think my job right now, and my only job is to be aware of as many as I can and when the right one is there, my focus will once again sharpen. It has never failed me in the past and there is no reason to believe it will fail me now or in the future.
I went to see my favorite Psychic the other day. She is not 'store front', she is only by referral and appointment. I know that the more open you are to the idea of someone 'reading' you, the better the experience. I used to go to card readers and not say a word because I thought that they 'should know'. For the past two years, I've been learning how to read cards. I'm not at all ready to hang out a shingle, but I will tell you that the more interaction you have with the person being read, the more you can 'intuitively' understand what the cards are saying.
Cards DO NOT tell you the future nor can anyone. Some people have a focused degree of intuition that allows them to 'see' things, but all of us are intuitive on our own. "Gut feel" anyone?
What 'she' said to me was that although my life seemed to be turned upside down right now, it is all necessary for this transition and not to sweat it. My answers will come from the various experiences I am currently having. There was a lot more, which I will not get into, but what it made me realize was that yes, my life is truly a journey and as much as we say it, we don't really understand what that means.
If you look at life as a 'path to be walked' then you will come to understand that ALL your experiences are the same as walking. In order to 'walk' somewhere you must put one foot in front of the other. Each experience is a step, it gets you closer to your goal but you don't really know what that goal is. Not goal in the tangible sense as in career, family etc. But your Soul's goal. You just have to trust and have faith that each experience is bringing you closer to it.
What does any of this have to do with sunshine? Nothing really, only that when the sun is shining, it is far easier to take that 'lighted' step.
I'm coming to accept that as we travel our journey we are having the experiences that are supposed to teach us our lessons. Some are more complicated than others. I've been told many many times I'm an 'old' Soul. I've also been told that I am a teacher, though not in the traditional sense of one-on-one or classroom.
My life for the past 6 months has been a little on the confusing side. Nothing seems to mesh. No matter what decisions I make, they don't work out. I totally believe it is because I have no sense of what it is I want, or what direction to go so the universe (God to me) allows for a multitude of opportunities and too many choices.
I think my job right now, and my only job is to be aware of as many as I can and when the right one is there, my focus will once again sharpen. It has never failed me in the past and there is no reason to believe it will fail me now or in the future.
I went to see my favorite Psychic the other day. She is not 'store front', she is only by referral and appointment. I know that the more open you are to the idea of someone 'reading' you, the better the experience. I used to go to card readers and not say a word because I thought that they 'should know'. For the past two years, I've been learning how to read cards. I'm not at all ready to hang out a shingle, but I will tell you that the more interaction you have with the person being read, the more you can 'intuitively' understand what the cards are saying.
Cards DO NOT tell you the future nor can anyone. Some people have a focused degree of intuition that allows them to 'see' things, but all of us are intuitive on our own. "Gut feel" anyone?
What 'she' said to me was that although my life seemed to be turned upside down right now, it is all necessary for this transition and not to sweat it. My answers will come from the various experiences I am currently having. There was a lot more, which I will not get into, but what it made me realize was that yes, my life is truly a journey and as much as we say it, we don't really understand what that means.
If you look at life as a 'path to be walked' then you will come to understand that ALL your experiences are the same as walking. In order to 'walk' somewhere you must put one foot in front of the other. Each experience is a step, it gets you closer to your goal but you don't really know what that goal is. Not goal in the tangible sense as in career, family etc. But your Soul's goal. You just have to trust and have faith that each experience is bringing you closer to it.
What does any of this have to do with sunshine? Nothing really, only that when the sun is shining, it is far easier to take that 'lighted' step.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Realization
Meditation is not easy. It takes time to train the brain. I have accomplished this for no more than 3 minutes at a time. For someone who's brain in on constant overload, 3 minutes is a long time. But I'll take what I can get.
One of the most disconcerting things for me has been that I feel like I am constantly chasing my tail. I've run from here to there and back because I had set my life up in just that way. Now that I am finally about to get settled, it looks as though I might be moving around,yet again, but I don't know WHERE. Where do I go now? Do I stay put? Nah. Do I go back to where I was? Nah.
What gives? Why can't I find a place that makes me happy?
This morning, during my record breaking 3 minute meditation, it came to me. It NOT the place. Its not WHERE I am that is the problem. Its WHO I am when I surround myself with certain people.
For many years, I ran from all that I knew because I felt that it was nothing but stifling. I wanted my freedom. But in looking far and yonder for it and settling in places that were as far away from the people I loved, I grew more and more discontent. Its one thing to remove yourself from people who are not healthy for you, but to remove yourself from a loving network and deliberately place yourself away from those you WANT to be around is self destructive.
I have a beautiful home. I know nice people. I am grateful and thankful for that. But I miss my sister who is my closest friend. I miss the people who's energy I thrived on. They made me want to be a better person. Sure we live in a world of electronic communication, but that does not take the place of looking in eye's of someone you care about when they are speaking. It doesn't take the place of a hug when you're feeling down. It doesn't take the place of watching your niece smile when she sees you.
I mistakenly thought that if I went in search of my happiness, I would find it somewhere else. It has always been in the same place. I'm the one who was blinded to it.
It doesn't matter where I make my home. What matters is the people I let into my life. If you are around the people who mean the most to you and whom you love, then NOTHING is insurmountable.
If mediation works to get you in touch with God, or helps you communicate with God that much easier, then I'm going to try to extend that 3 minutes into 4. At least its a starting point. If I can come to that realization in 3 minutes, just imagine what 4 or more can bring.
One of the most disconcerting things for me has been that I feel like I am constantly chasing my tail. I've run from here to there and back because I had set my life up in just that way. Now that I am finally about to get settled, it looks as though I might be moving around,yet again, but I don't know WHERE. Where do I go now? Do I stay put? Nah. Do I go back to where I was? Nah.
What gives? Why can't I find a place that makes me happy?
This morning, during my record breaking 3 minute meditation, it came to me. It NOT the place. Its not WHERE I am that is the problem. Its WHO I am when I surround myself with certain people.
For many years, I ran from all that I knew because I felt that it was nothing but stifling. I wanted my freedom. But in looking far and yonder for it and settling in places that were as far away from the people I loved, I grew more and more discontent. Its one thing to remove yourself from people who are not healthy for you, but to remove yourself from a loving network and deliberately place yourself away from those you WANT to be around is self destructive.
I have a beautiful home. I know nice people. I am grateful and thankful for that. But I miss my sister who is my closest friend. I miss the people who's energy I thrived on. They made me want to be a better person. Sure we live in a world of electronic communication, but that does not take the place of looking in eye's of someone you care about when they are speaking. It doesn't take the place of a hug when you're feeling down. It doesn't take the place of watching your niece smile when she sees you.
I mistakenly thought that if I went in search of my happiness, I would find it somewhere else. It has always been in the same place. I'm the one who was blinded to it.
It doesn't matter where I make my home. What matters is the people I let into my life. If you are around the people who mean the most to you and whom you love, then NOTHING is insurmountable.
If mediation works to get you in touch with God, or helps you communicate with God that much easier, then I'm going to try to extend that 3 minutes into 4. At least its a starting point. If I can come to that realization in 3 minutes, just imagine what 4 or more can bring.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Experiences
As I write this I am contemplating renaming my blog An Urbanite's View of Small Town Living. I've been coming to this town since 1994 and in 1998 purchased a small cabin. I've since graduated to a lake home. I love this place that much.
Even though I've been back and forth for many years splitting my time between what I called my 'real' life and my sanctuary I always dreamed that at some point I'd live in my sanctuary. Be careful what you wish for. My 'real' life consisted of my career and my social network: my family and my friends. After losing my job and therefore my career as I knew it, my decision to come here permanently was fraught with...well...indecision.
Over the years I've been extremely fortunate to meet some amazing and wonderful people in this little town. Now, don't get me wrong, just as an urban lifestyle has its own unique problems, small town living can be its own personal hell. Gone are the congested streets, smog, noise and more noise replaced by tranquility, peace and natural beauty. To a person who has been immersed in the go go go of urban life for over 40 years, taking it down a notch has not been easy. It is one thing to have a vacation home to escape to, but when your escape becomes a self imposed exile, there are factors that must be weighed like "how do I keep myself busy enough to NOT go insane".
Last night I took part or rather, watched a lovely tradition unfold. The town I'm in has a very small school and therefore, student body. In the 'big city' Proms are usually reserved for that special rite of passage for seniors. In this town, because of the small student population, everyone from freshman to senior year is invited. But the tradition didn't end there. For the benefit of those not attending (parents, relatives and friends), the students flowed into a ballroom and walked on a make shift cat walk in their Prom attire and paraded past a host of onlookers. A stream of beautiful young women in formal gowns and dresses and handsome young men dressed to escort their lovely counterparts. It was absolutely magical. A moment suspended in time.
They came coupled, as friends and single. It didn't matter. I remember when I was a senior I didn't even go to my Prom because my boyfriend and I had 'broken' up for the hundredth time 2 months earlier. I still think it was because he didn't want to wear the mandatory Tuxedo. Back then it would have been unheard of to go to the Prom alone. No no no. But here, or maybe its because it is the year 2008 and not 1978, it wasn't a factor. These young people wanted the opportunity to enjoy themselves with their peers and whether they had a date or not, they were there. All dressed in their finest.
I looked at their faces, which ranged from proud, to nervous with a hint of expectation. As they walked the walk, they all had this magnificent sense of innocence. Looking at them from many many years in the future, I can only imagine what life has in store. How exciting and yet frightening at the same time.
Yet the excitement and fright is not reserved just for high school kids. Life is that way for all of us. Adults just tend to forget. We get so caught up in our daily trials that we don't stop to think that we really don't know how life will unfold. Sure, we have calendars and PDAs to help us manage our time and keep appointments, but those are distractions to what life truly is. Life is really about experiences. All the electronic devices do are remind us that we are to have an experience at such and such a time.
Last evening was magical. There isn't much to do in this lovely town, at least not by big city standards, but there is plenty here to share with ones friends. As I watched these young people step out into a sense of excitement, I am reminded that my own life is unfolding in much the same way theirs. I really don't know what the next few days, weeks, months or years will bring. All I can do is thank God, that I am finally willing to just let it happen.
Even though I've been back and forth for many years splitting my time between what I called my 'real' life and my sanctuary I always dreamed that at some point I'd live in my sanctuary. Be careful what you wish for. My 'real' life consisted of my career and my social network: my family and my friends. After losing my job and therefore my career as I knew it, my decision to come here permanently was fraught with...well...indecision.
Over the years I've been extremely fortunate to meet some amazing and wonderful people in this little town. Now, don't get me wrong, just as an urban lifestyle has its own unique problems, small town living can be its own personal hell. Gone are the congested streets, smog, noise and more noise replaced by tranquility, peace and natural beauty. To a person who has been immersed in the go go go of urban life for over 40 years, taking it down a notch has not been easy. It is one thing to have a vacation home to escape to, but when your escape becomes a self imposed exile, there are factors that must be weighed like "how do I keep myself busy enough to NOT go insane".
Last night I took part or rather, watched a lovely tradition unfold. The town I'm in has a very small school and therefore, student body. In the 'big city' Proms are usually reserved for that special rite of passage for seniors. In this town, because of the small student population, everyone from freshman to senior year is invited. But the tradition didn't end there. For the benefit of those not attending (parents, relatives and friends), the students flowed into a ballroom and walked on a make shift cat walk in their Prom attire and paraded past a host of onlookers. A stream of beautiful young women in formal gowns and dresses and handsome young men dressed to escort their lovely counterparts. It was absolutely magical. A moment suspended in time.
They came coupled, as friends and single. It didn't matter. I remember when I was a senior I didn't even go to my Prom because my boyfriend and I had 'broken' up for the hundredth time 2 months earlier. I still think it was because he didn't want to wear the mandatory Tuxedo. Back then it would have been unheard of to go to the Prom alone. No no no. But here, or maybe its because it is the year 2008 and not 1978, it wasn't a factor. These young people wanted the opportunity to enjoy themselves with their peers and whether they had a date or not, they were there. All dressed in their finest.
I looked at their faces, which ranged from proud, to nervous with a hint of expectation. As they walked the walk, they all had this magnificent sense of innocence. Looking at them from many many years in the future, I can only imagine what life has in store. How exciting and yet frightening at the same time.
Yet the excitement and fright is not reserved just for high school kids. Life is that way for all of us. Adults just tend to forget. We get so caught up in our daily trials that we don't stop to think that we really don't know how life will unfold. Sure, we have calendars and PDAs to help us manage our time and keep appointments, but those are distractions to what life truly is. Life is really about experiences. All the electronic devices do are remind us that we are to have an experience at such and such a time.
Last evening was magical. There isn't much to do in this lovely town, at least not by big city standards, but there is plenty here to share with ones friends. As I watched these young people step out into a sense of excitement, I am reminded that my own life is unfolding in much the same way theirs. I really don't know what the next few days, weeks, months or years will bring. All I can do is thank God, that I am finally willing to just let it happen.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Dreams
What happens the day you realize you are living your dream? Do you recognize it? Do fireworks explode in the sky? Does a huge banner with the words CONGRATULATIONS YOU'VE MADE IT!!!! unfold in front of your home? Or is the life that got you there so overwhelming that you aren't even aware of it?
I think for me it came as a total surprise. When we come to the realization that what we put out to the heavens actually does manifest, we can finally begin to understand how powerful our thoughts are. Somewhere along the line, at least for me, I came to believe that when I eventually got what I desired it would happen in a lovely linear fashion, following a clear path with rose petals lining the way. The transition would be smooth allowing me to shed my old life slowly and graciously while my new life to took root. The checks and balances of logical thinking would open the door for a wonderful and exciting existence to deliciously unfold.
It didn't happen that way.
In order to truly and completely immerse yourself in the life you really want to live, you have to be willing to disentangle yourself from all you believe true about transition and let go of all that is keeping you from achieving your dream. I don't believe there is one of us who consciously wants to do that. The dissolution of the old, whether it is by choice or event, is the destructive force that frees us from the self imposed ties that bind.
Yesterday, while reading a post on Randy Pausch's (The Last Lecture) website, he referenced lyrics from the famous Janis Joplin song "Me & Bobby McGee":
"Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose".
For some reason at that very moment, those words took on a completely new meaning for me. The only way to truly understand your options, is to have absolutely nothing to fall back on. There are two ways to cope with a safety net being taken away. You can fall into the darkness of an abyss, or you can look at life with the open mind that there are possibilities that are now open that would never have been open if your circumstances hadn't changed.
I own a lovely vacation home on a beautiful lake. On the main level there is an alcove that until just the other day was empty. The alcove is surrounded by windows which allows the beauty of the environment to flow in giving you the sense that you are sitting outside. For years I envisioned sitting at a desk in this alcove, clicking away on my laptop typing words of wisdom. I saw myself looking at the sunlight glistening on the water. I would hear the wind chimes as they were gently nudged by a breeze. The moments that do take your breath away when you realize that we are only here for a short while and are only borrowing the beauty that was created just for us. Our responsiblity is to enjoy it.
My life circumstances came to an abrupt end some months ago and as I battled with what the next course of action was to be, and yes, the battle has been fierce, I finally resolved that I needed to be in one place in order to focus and take the necessary steps to continue. I gave up my other 'old' urban life purely because I had to. As a result I've moved completely into this vacation home on the lake.
I didn't realize until this morning, that I was living the dream I've had for years. What I didn't understand until this very minute is that the circumstances that got me here were not in the least simple, or linear or easy. They were completely and unequivocally chaotic and emotionally consuming.
But here I sit at my desk, clicking away on my laptop with a steaming cup of coffee to my right. Every now and then I glance at the sparkling water. The quiet is disturbed by the chirping of birds which fly from tree to tree and of course the wind chimes dancing on the breeze. The peacefulness that surrounds me at this very moment is the only thing I am focused on. I know that I can keep this feeling with me all day and remember it when daily life unfolds.
In retrospect, I realize that yes, God did hear me and even though I didn't think I was ready to be sitting in this alcove, He determined I was.
I think for me it came as a total surprise. When we come to the realization that what we put out to the heavens actually does manifest, we can finally begin to understand how powerful our thoughts are. Somewhere along the line, at least for me, I came to believe that when I eventually got what I desired it would happen in a lovely linear fashion, following a clear path with rose petals lining the way. The transition would be smooth allowing me to shed my old life slowly and graciously while my new life to took root. The checks and balances of logical thinking would open the door for a wonderful and exciting existence to deliciously unfold.
It didn't happen that way.
In order to truly and completely immerse yourself in the life you really want to live, you have to be willing to disentangle yourself from all you believe true about transition and let go of all that is keeping you from achieving your dream. I don't believe there is one of us who consciously wants to do that. The dissolution of the old, whether it is by choice or event, is the destructive force that frees us from the self imposed ties that bind.
Yesterday, while reading a post on Randy Pausch's (The Last Lecture) website, he referenced lyrics from the famous Janis Joplin song "Me & Bobby McGee":
"Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose".
For some reason at that very moment, those words took on a completely new meaning for me. The only way to truly understand your options, is to have absolutely nothing to fall back on. There are two ways to cope with a safety net being taken away. You can fall into the darkness of an abyss, or you can look at life with the open mind that there are possibilities that are now open that would never have been open if your circumstances hadn't changed.
I own a lovely vacation home on a beautiful lake. On the main level there is an alcove that until just the other day was empty. The alcove is surrounded by windows which allows the beauty of the environment to flow in giving you the sense that you are sitting outside. For years I envisioned sitting at a desk in this alcove, clicking away on my laptop typing words of wisdom. I saw myself looking at the sunlight glistening on the water. I would hear the wind chimes as they were gently nudged by a breeze. The moments that do take your breath away when you realize that we are only here for a short while and are only borrowing the beauty that was created just for us. Our responsiblity is to enjoy it.
My life circumstances came to an abrupt end some months ago and as I battled with what the next course of action was to be, and yes, the battle has been fierce, I finally resolved that I needed to be in one place in order to focus and take the necessary steps to continue. I gave up my other 'old' urban life purely because I had to. As a result I've moved completely into this vacation home on the lake.
I didn't realize until this morning, that I was living the dream I've had for years. What I didn't understand until this very minute is that the circumstances that got me here were not in the least simple, or linear or easy. They were completely and unequivocally chaotic and emotionally consuming.
But here I sit at my desk, clicking away on my laptop with a steaming cup of coffee to my right. Every now and then I glance at the sparkling water. The quiet is disturbed by the chirping of birds which fly from tree to tree and of course the wind chimes dancing on the breeze. The peacefulness that surrounds me at this very moment is the only thing I am focused on. I know that I can keep this feeling with me all day and remember it when daily life unfolds.
In retrospect, I realize that yes, God did hear me and even though I didn't think I was ready to be sitting in this alcove, He determined I was.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
God
I believe in God. I mean, I have faith that God exists. Though there is some confusion of late, at least in my life, as to how to actually live life according to how the Bible says God would want me to live.
I've done a lot of spiritual reading over the years and for the past few months, I've been reading Conversations With God by Neale Donald Walsch. When I first bought the book over a year ago, I tried to read it like a novel and quickly lost interest. I wasn't ready. Some months ago a very serious life changing event happened and like most people going through hard times I stepped up my search for answers and looked toward the heavens in hopes that they would be forthcoming. They weren't. This book has helped me come to a different understanding. Instead of reading pages and chapters at a time, I am doing the work justice by reading just a few paragraphs, sometimes just sentences at a time and reflecting on what they words and concepts mean.
On top of troubles that I'll call my own, I find myself dealing with troubles that belong to members of my family. For some reason, I seem to be the one who they've deemed qualified to help them out of their own hells.
There in lies my struggle. If I listen to reason and to my wonderful Psychotherapist, I should walk away because I cannot change anything for them. If I pay attention to what the Bible says, I should give of myself to help those in need.
I've never been a martyr and when I was able to help I did so with good conscience and good spirit. But now that my own circumstances have changed I find I cannot help as readily. The only help I can give is to dispense advice. Being a fairly strong person, people tend to think I have all the answers. I don't. I go through life, try to do the right thing for myself and the people I love and somehow that translates to others that I have all the answers. I don't.
So, when you read the Bible and what is expected how do you know whether the help you're asked to give is in God's eyes your service to others, or are you in the eyes of your Psychotherapist, making you an enabler?
I've done a lot of spiritual reading over the years and for the past few months, I've been reading Conversations With God by Neale Donald Walsch. When I first bought the book over a year ago, I tried to read it like a novel and quickly lost interest. I wasn't ready. Some months ago a very serious life changing event happened and like most people going through hard times I stepped up my search for answers and looked toward the heavens in hopes that they would be forthcoming. They weren't. This book has helped me come to a different understanding. Instead of reading pages and chapters at a time, I am doing the work justice by reading just a few paragraphs, sometimes just sentences at a time and reflecting on what they words and concepts mean.
On top of troubles that I'll call my own, I find myself dealing with troubles that belong to members of my family. For some reason, I seem to be the one who they've deemed qualified to help them out of their own hells.
There in lies my struggle. If I listen to reason and to my wonderful Psychotherapist, I should walk away because I cannot change anything for them. If I pay attention to what the Bible says, I should give of myself to help those in need.
I've never been a martyr and when I was able to help I did so with good conscience and good spirit. But now that my own circumstances have changed I find I cannot help as readily. The only help I can give is to dispense advice. Being a fairly strong person, people tend to think I have all the answers. I don't. I go through life, try to do the right thing for myself and the people I love and somehow that translates to others that I have all the answers. I don't.
So, when you read the Bible and what is expected how do you know whether the help you're asked to give is in God's eyes your service to others, or are you in the eyes of your Psychotherapist, making you an enabler?
Monday, May 12, 2008
Attachments
When do we understand that certain attachments are not healthy? When is it appropriate for family members to act on their own without the constant reinforcement from other family members?
There are certain people that never seem to find their own way and some of us have this need to help them get through their troubles. Except their troubles don't ever vanish thereby pulling the would be helper deeper into situations not of their own making.
It is difficult to walk away from some issues especially when the issues pertain to the people we love. But we have to come to accept that the most good we can do under certain circumstances is to step aside and let those people develop on their own. They are capable. Extending hope, understanding and even advice is fine. Its when the attachment becomes claustrophobic that we lose our sense of self for the misconception that we are helping someone in need.
The occasional assistance is valuable. The taking care of others without taking care of ourselves leaves us with the oppressive feeling that we are failures. We cannot take care of others if we first don't take care of who we are.
There are certain people that never seem to find their own way and some of us have this need to help them get through their troubles. Except their troubles don't ever vanish thereby pulling the would be helper deeper into situations not of their own making.
It is difficult to walk away from some issues especially when the issues pertain to the people we love. But we have to come to accept that the most good we can do under certain circumstances is to step aside and let those people develop on their own. They are capable. Extending hope, understanding and even advice is fine. Its when the attachment becomes claustrophobic that we lose our sense of self for the misconception that we are helping someone in need.
The occasional assistance is valuable. The taking care of others without taking care of ourselves leaves us with the oppressive feeling that we are failures. We cannot take care of others if we first don't take care of who we are.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Meditation
It helps sometimes to know that when life becomes overwhelming there are things you can do to help ease the stress. I've tried them all. Meditation, prayer, crying, screaming, silence etc. There are as many ways to deal with stress as there are people on this planet. What you have to remember is that what may work for me, may not necessarily work for you. But, that doesn't mean you give up when whatever it is you are doing doesn't work. you simply do something else.
It has taken me a long time to learn how to quiet the mind and I'm still not all that great at it, but I've gotten considerably better. The trick to quieting the rambling mind is to immediately focus on something. Anything. Your foot. Your arm. Your nose. Just by the mere shift in focus, you can successfully hush the tornado in your head. Start with a few seconds at a time...then grow from that. It will not be something you achieve in a few sessions...but like anything else once you have a strong foundation, you can build anything.
It has taken me a long time to learn how to quiet the mind and I'm still not all that great at it, but I've gotten considerably better. The trick to quieting the rambling mind is to immediately focus on something. Anything. Your foot. Your arm. Your nose. Just by the mere shift in focus, you can successfully hush the tornado in your head. Start with a few seconds at a time...then grow from that. It will not be something you achieve in a few sessions...but like anything else once you have a strong foundation, you can build anything.
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