The Lotto Ticket

Anyone who has ever done a load of laundry will attest to the fact that there are a few things that can happen that leaves one muttering 'uh oh'.

I'm not talking about accidentally throwing in a red top with a load of white. We've all from time to time experienced the disappearing sock trick. Where do they go?

This morning while cleaning the lint trap of my dryer, I noticed a clump of what I thought was, after all, lint. Lint trap. Lint. Makes sense to me. But there was something odd about this particular clump. It wasn't lint, it was paper. Paper that had been washed and spun and ultimately dried to smithereens and here it was, finding it's next to final resting place in the lint trap (the garbage being the final).

Of course it is not often that I closely inspect the lint I remove from the lint trap but here I was, staring at this little tight clump trying to figure out what it had been in it's former life. I'm usually pretty good about emptying pockets before the clothes are tossed into the machine, but OK, occasionally I miss something as what seemed to be the case here. Staring at it I noticed the distinct pink colors which make up the lotto tickets in my State. Hmmmm.

I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, a lotto devotee. Every once in a great while I will splurge a dollar or two on an enormously huge prize where the odds are increasingly against me as the prize value becomes stratospheric. Since I do not purchase chance tickets often I tend to forget what I do with them as soon as I leave the store. I know people who care for their tickets so well that they have plastic sleeves for them. Some use magnets and display them on their refrigerator. I stick them in whatever pocket or purse is accessible at the moment and then immediately dismiss them from my short term memory. I will usually find them in pockets before they go into the wash or, if I happen to toss the tickets in a purse, they will stay in that purse until the next time I use it. I switch purses often leading me to find tickets many months once later and usually once the claim period has expired. Some sadistic part of me wants to know whether or not the numbers on my ticket actually came out so I look up the winning numbers for that date. So far, thankfully they haven't.

This morning while holding this tiny wad of paper the only thing I thought was "wow, what a waste". It wasn't about the dollar spent, some part of me looked at it as a missed opportunity. Granted, the odds that there were numbers on that ticket that would have miraculously matched a set of winning numbers were slim to none. But that wasn't what I was thinking. All because of some slight oversight on my part, I will never know whether or not the numbers would have brought forth a small fortune.

As I continue on this interesting path I call 'my life', I need to be conscious of the fact that there are opportunities out there and if I'm too busy worrying about where I'm going and the possible future opportunities, I will not notice where I am and the opportunities that present themselves in the now. Not all will be apparent. In fact sometimes they will present themselves as that 'gut feel' about a person, or event or place or circumstances.

I think my biggest fear right now is that I HAVE to do something even though 'my gut' says no. Lay low. Let it come because you will know it when it does. Does that make me lazy? Unambitious? A recluse? No. I believe for me I am finally beginning to understand that I don't need to control every aspect of my life. The only things I need to control are the choices that I make regarding the circumstances that present themselves, now.

Training ourselves to really listen to the part of us that is inaudible is not easy. There is an opportunity that presented itself some months ago and that I'm finally pursuing. Its not simple because the balance of my life would completely change. It is something that if I do, I need the help of someone else. I cannot do it alone.

That is a concept that is entirely foreign to me. For as long as I remember, I have achieved everything on my own. Yes, I've had the benefit of mentors but I'm talking about achieving levels purely by focus and desire. I've earned everything I have.

But now, this opportunity requires me to relinquish control of a portion of it in order for it to be successful. The dilemma is not whether or not it would work out, the dilemma is whether or not I can 'let go'. Somehow I have to truly look at how I feel about leaving a part of the control to another. Is this the right opportunity? Can I possibly over think something. Oh yeah. Part of my nature. My gut says I should pursue it and let it take on a life of its own without me micromanaging every outcome. Let the chips fall where they may. I have to also understand there is a difference between letting something happen and making something happen. Forcing something to happen may not be in any one's best interest. Being AWARE of something and letting it happen is by far the more natural choice.

After all, I don't want this opportunity to be a lotto ticket that winds up in the lint trap.