Here it is, the end of September and we are in the midst of foliage. With colors exploding everywhere the landscape looks almost magical.
I am lucky that the route I drive to work is along one of the most scenic in the area. Along with the colorful terrain, there are many more leaves on my patio than were there last week. And so the beginning of the dormant season has begun. Winter will be early.
Like in nature, in order to flourish and grow going forward, there are things that must die or be left behind. I think human nature is that we hold on to things at all costs and sometimes to our detriment. Maturity is understanding and distinguishing what is worth holding onto and what needs to be let go of. Things that aren't meant to be held onto find their way out of our lives when the time is right.
I have enjoyed writing this blog for many months now. It has taken me places I never thought I'd go. Exposing your soul for the world to see is an odd exercise but quite valuable. I have enjoyed the emails and responses that I've received. When people have told me that what I've written about affected them in some way then I feel as though my mission with this was accomplished. I also hope there were plenty of giggles at the silliness of some of the writing.
If you are in tuned with who you are, you will find that you as well are on a journey and sometimes where it leads you is nowhere you'd thought you'd end up when you began.
When I started this, I had no expectations of what the outcome would be only that I wrote from somewhere deep inside and hoped to express my own view of life. Our greatest teacher is life itself and all it has to offer. That education never ends. As far as my own life education, I have learned a few things this year.
- We are capable of anything.
- We can be our own worst enemy
- When we take ego out of an equation, we see the situation for what it is.
- We truly tend to hurt the ones we love the most.
- Perception is reality.
- The people in our lives are our greatest gifts.
- We can live comfortably and happily with far less than we think we need.
- Hope is the driving force within anyone.
- Our value is self imposed.
There is far more but you get the idea.
And so I've decided that today, September 30th will be my last post. I thank everyone who has read this and I am humbled by the responses.
Life continues to surprise me and my attention now has to be on other things that at the moment need my total focus. I am in the process of creating a website with similiar concepts and hope to launch that within the next 2 months. I welcome anyone to email me at Rcipr@aol.com for more information.
God bless and may we all find that amazing sense of peace and clarity that deep down we are striving for.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Another Year Older...
Here it is. My birthday. Having completed my 48 year and standing at the entrance way my 49th.
I'm one of those annoying people who really loves to celebrate birthdays, always have and God willing....always will can't wait for the BIG 50.
As I look back to how I spent my past birthday it was vastly different from how I will spend today. But then, my entire life is vastly different from last year...and the important thing is...I wouldn't change one thing.
Last year's festivities were held in my apartment on the 30th floor of a high rise with killer views. We enjoyed catered food (OK, my brother is a chef so I cheat on that), champagne, wines and a tremendous amount of laughter.
This year a good friend is taking me to dinner and then we are heading for our favorite watering hole to just have a great time with a bunch of friends. I'm sure there will be laughter to rival that of the past.
My current life resembles nothing of my past life. Its almost as if I'm two different people...somehow I am. Before you call the men in the white coats to take me away for being this side of psychotic you would have to appreciate that I miss none of what I was. I do miss being around my family and some of my friends back in NY. I miss them terribly. But, I've been lucky in that I have a circle of friends here that have become very special to me. No matter what life brings you its ultimately the people in your life that help you get through it all.
Having gone though a year of painful transitions, its almost as though God took pity and said, "Here, here are some people that will help you get through the troughs and be there to celebrate the peaks." Tonight, we are celebrating peaks.
I look forward to this year, after all, our year begins on our birthdays and not on January 1st, I know that everything that has changed has changed because it needed to make room for the new. The circumstances that allowed me to be here allowed me to bring new people into my life, some of which I would probably not have met if my life in NY was still intact. For that I am grateful.
I don't know how long I will be here. Maybe another year, maybe more, maybe less. I will be open to where life is leading me and instead of worrying about it I'm going to just take every day for the adventure it promises to be.
I openly say thank you to my old friends in NY and my new friends here who have been supportive through my ordeal(s) and look forward to many many more years of laughter and fun.
I'm one of those annoying people who really loves to celebrate birthdays, always have and God willing....always will can't wait for the BIG 50.
As I look back to how I spent my past birthday it was vastly different from how I will spend today. But then, my entire life is vastly different from last year...and the important thing is...I wouldn't change one thing.
Last year's festivities were held in my apartment on the 30th floor of a high rise with killer views. We enjoyed catered food (OK, my brother is a chef so I cheat on that), champagne, wines and a tremendous amount of laughter.
This year a good friend is taking me to dinner and then we are heading for our favorite watering hole to just have a great time with a bunch of friends. I'm sure there will be laughter to rival that of the past.
My current life resembles nothing of my past life. Its almost as if I'm two different people...somehow I am. Before you call the men in the white coats to take me away for being this side of psychotic you would have to appreciate that I miss none of what I was. I do miss being around my family and some of my friends back in NY. I miss them terribly. But, I've been lucky in that I have a circle of friends here that have become very special to me. No matter what life brings you its ultimately the people in your life that help you get through it all.
Having gone though a year of painful transitions, its almost as though God took pity and said, "Here, here are some people that will help you get through the troughs and be there to celebrate the peaks." Tonight, we are celebrating peaks.
I look forward to this year, after all, our year begins on our birthdays and not on January 1st, I know that everything that has changed has changed because it needed to make room for the new. The circumstances that allowed me to be here allowed me to bring new people into my life, some of which I would probably not have met if my life in NY was still intact. For that I am grateful.
I don't know how long I will be here. Maybe another year, maybe more, maybe less. I will be open to where life is leading me and instead of worrying about it I'm going to just take every day for the adventure it promises to be.
I openly say thank you to my old friends in NY and my new friends here who have been supportive through my ordeal(s) and look forward to many many more years of laughter and fun.
Monday, September 15, 2008
The Job
Until I have a set schedule, my hours and shifts will change. So far I've put in 4 full days and have had Saturday, Sunday & today off. Starting tomorrow I will have 6 straight days of relentless annoyances.
Along with the word 'shift' creeping into my vernacular...I now MUST take lunch within the required time frame. Apparently labor laws are very very strict and the powers that be will fire your ass if you do not take it seriously. They do not want infractions because they are quite costly. The entire half hour before actually taking your lunch break, is fraught with anxiousness about getting out on time lest there be a scolding if you are late to leave.
Training for any new job is a colossal P.I.T.A. I hate getting up to speed but unfortunately a necessary evil. Can't fix problems until you know how the problems got to be problems in the first place. Its the old "you can only learn by making mistakes." But in this case, its hopefully other people's mistakes you're fixing.
The first couple of days were pure hell. If I looked like a deer caught in the headlights it was because it was like standing in the middle of the wrong side of a 6 lane highway without a car. Many a time during those first few days the question "What the hell am I doing here?" repeatedly danced through my head. There was also the tad bit of resentment among the rank and file because I did not come up through the normal channels of promotion for a job well done. To make matters worse, those who report to me expect me to 'know it all.' This is impossible since at the moment, I don't even know any of some.
It is fascinating the level of commitment people have to their hourly jobs. They will ONLY do what they are paid to do and NOT a fraction more. These are the same people who complain about the unfairness of management.
On my second day I thought it best to familiarize myself with the function of 'cashiering' so that I could actually be of help instead of frantically pinging my palm pilot looking for assistance if something went wrong with the system.
As this lovely lady took the time to 'show me the ropes' ...I noticed that the credit card swipe machine had a piece of register tape with the words "DOES NOT WORK" scribbled on it and stuck to the machine itself. To give you an idea of what frustrations lie ahead the following conversation ensued:
ME: 'What's wrong with the swipe machine?"
HER: 'I don't know, I found it this way when I came on shift." (shift was 3 hours earlier)
ME: 'Have you told anyone it doesn't work?'
HER: 'No.'
ME: 'Well, if no one knows it doesn't work then it won't be fixed."
HER: 'Oh, I guess.'
As it happened one of the other managers walked by and I asked her if she was aware that there was a problem with the machine. The answer was 'No, no one told me." Rebooting took all of 30 seconds.
I guess the thought process was that magic elves would miraculously adjust system problems without actual human intervention because after all how DO the shelves get stocked for the morning rush?
The people though are truly nice and it will be great fun going forward and I am one of those who believe that you don't ever expect people to do what you are not willing to do yourself.
Along with the word 'shift' creeping into my vernacular...I now MUST take lunch within the required time frame. Apparently labor laws are very very strict and the powers that be will fire your ass if you do not take it seriously. They do not want infractions because they are quite costly. The entire half hour before actually taking your lunch break, is fraught with anxiousness about getting out on time lest there be a scolding if you are late to leave.
Training for any new job is a colossal P.I.T.A. I hate getting up to speed but unfortunately a necessary evil. Can't fix problems until you know how the problems got to be problems in the first place. Its the old "you can only learn by making mistakes." But in this case, its hopefully other people's mistakes you're fixing.
The first couple of days were pure hell. If I looked like a deer caught in the headlights it was because it was like standing in the middle of the wrong side of a 6 lane highway without a car. Many a time during those first few days the question "What the hell am I doing here?" repeatedly danced through my head. There was also the tad bit of resentment among the rank and file because I did not come up through the normal channels of promotion for a job well done. To make matters worse, those who report to me expect me to 'know it all.' This is impossible since at the moment, I don't even know any of some.
It is fascinating the level of commitment people have to their hourly jobs. They will ONLY do what they are paid to do and NOT a fraction more. These are the same people who complain about the unfairness of management.
On my second day I thought it best to familiarize myself with the function of 'cashiering' so that I could actually be of help instead of frantically pinging my palm pilot looking for assistance if something went wrong with the system.
As this lovely lady took the time to 'show me the ropes' ...I noticed that the credit card swipe machine had a piece of register tape with the words "DOES NOT WORK" scribbled on it and stuck to the machine itself. To give you an idea of what frustrations lie ahead the following conversation ensued:
ME: 'What's wrong with the swipe machine?"
HER: 'I don't know, I found it this way when I came on shift." (shift was 3 hours earlier)
ME: 'Have you told anyone it doesn't work?'
HER: 'No.'
ME: 'Well, if no one knows it doesn't work then it won't be fixed."
HER: 'Oh, I guess.'
As it happened one of the other managers walked by and I asked her if she was aware that there was a problem with the machine. The answer was 'No, no one told me." Rebooting took all of 30 seconds.
I guess the thought process was that magic elves would miraculously adjust system problems without actual human intervention because after all how DO the shelves get stocked for the morning rush?
The people though are truly nice and it will be great fun going forward and I am one of those who believe that you don't ever expect people to do what you are not willing to do yourself.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
On This Day
There are few of us who do not remember where we were and exactly what we were doing the very moment we became aware of the catastrophe in our beloved NYC in 2001.
No humanly words can ever express what each and every individual experienced. The media played the horrific scenes repeatedly as if any one of us could ever forget.
For those of us who were in the 'Wall Street' financial community at the time, we know that it is a large industry. Yet within the trading world it has always seemed like a small village. You either knew someone or knew of someone.
I still remember the very last conversation I had with a young man at Cantor Fitzgerald not 15 minutes earlier. He was asking me about Vermont because he wanted to take his Mom there on a mini vacation to see the foliage.
My own sister worked at the NYSE. As I fielded panicked phone calls between Mom and my brother in law, I was telling my sister that she needed to leave and make her way to my apartment ASAP. I tried to keep my own fear from exploding so as to stay calm on the phone for my Mom's benefit. I found myself outright lying and assuring her that my sister was not in any danger when I knew nothing of the sort. My sister eventually walked to my home many hours later, but not before she was witness to chaos.
If there is a hell, that day may have been a glimpse of what it is like.
I remember those who were a necessary part of my daily business life, but more so the laughter they evoked almost continuously. No one can joke like a trader. I choose to remember them in this way. Their very existence, made a hectic and stressful industry fun. They were part of a network of individuals who recognized that along side the seriousness of what we did for a living, there needed to be balance in the way of downright silliness and sarcasm; two things traders do well. I miss the human spirit that allowed that to be.
My prayers go out to family and friends of all who lost someone who made their world a better place.
No humanly words can ever express what each and every individual experienced. The media played the horrific scenes repeatedly as if any one of us could ever forget.
For those of us who were in the 'Wall Street' financial community at the time, we know that it is a large industry. Yet within the trading world it has always seemed like a small village. You either knew someone or knew of someone.
I still remember the very last conversation I had with a young man at Cantor Fitzgerald not 15 minutes earlier. He was asking me about Vermont because he wanted to take his Mom there on a mini vacation to see the foliage.
My own sister worked at the NYSE. As I fielded panicked phone calls between Mom and my brother in law, I was telling my sister that she needed to leave and make her way to my apartment ASAP. I tried to keep my own fear from exploding so as to stay calm on the phone for my Mom's benefit. I found myself outright lying and assuring her that my sister was not in any danger when I knew nothing of the sort. My sister eventually walked to my home many hours later, but not before she was witness to chaos.
If there is a hell, that day may have been a glimpse of what it is like.
I remember those who were a necessary part of my daily business life, but more so the laughter they evoked almost continuously. No one can joke like a trader. I choose to remember them in this way. Their very existence, made a hectic and stressful industry fun. They were part of a network of individuals who recognized that along side the seriousness of what we did for a living, there needed to be balance in the way of downright silliness and sarcasm; two things traders do well. I miss the human spirit that allowed that to be.
My prayers go out to family and friends of all who lost someone who made their world a better place.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Spill in Auto Parts
How do you get out of a RUT? Find something NEW to do.
The past couple of months of a non-productive life style has left me chasing my tail doing a lot of absolutely nothing of value. I hate down time. As much as I try to like and enjoy it, I truly hate it. Idle minds and such. When boredom hits its astounding the things I'm likely to do to keep my mind occupied.
Makes me wonder how some people are able to enjoy it. I'm not talking about weekends and vacations days. Those are usually filled with to-do lists and fun. But when you have endless days of sameness it gets incredibly irritating.
A few weeks ago, I jokingly said to a friend, "I should get a job at (insert Fortune 500 company.) so I can write a book called "From Wall Street to..." (you can probably fill in the blank with little help). It'll keep me off the streets and allow me to do what I enjoy which is interacting with people. If there is something owning my own business taught me is that I love dealing with the public. I've got the right temperament for it. Very little rattles me and I'm less likely to punch someone in the face even if they deserve it.
Be careful what you put out to the Universe. I have said this before, I will say it again. What you put out there, COMES back even if you don't really want it.
Two days later I get an automatic email from http://www.monster.com/ that the company I was joking about had openings that fit what I was looking for. Now, my resume has been on there for months and since I never really paid attention, half the stuff that came through was of little interest and I was too lazy to change my search criteria. Given that what I would have hoped to find had zero to do with my background it was pretty much a lost cause in my opinion.
But there is was. I think I laughed and for fits and giggles (and a possible book deal in the future) went ahead and filled out the online application and took an 'assessment' test which lasted about an hour. (to make sure I'm not insane and wouldn't actually bring physical harm to a customer). The entire process was absolutely tedious but, what the heck?
To make a long and boring story short, yesterday I joined the ranks of productive and tax paying citizens as a manager in this retail giant. The organization itself is a machine and the learning curve will be fascinating. I'll know within 5 months whether this is a company I will want to grow with. If it is, then the career path for the next 15 years will be a blast and I have no doubt in my mind that I will take it as far as I choose to. Those who really know me, know that I am a dead serious about that last statement.
This has less to do with my getting a job (yes, OK...finally...are you happy now?) than realizing that when you're ready for the next step, it presents itself and all you really need to do is be aware of it. When it happens this easily, then it is the right thing for the present.
The best way to know that you're following what you are meant to for that time frame is that the pieces seem to fall into place effortlessly. By changing this one thing it will bring about different experiences and people into my life. The RUT has been broken and time will tell what the horizon looks like.
And who knows? Maybe I'll meet my soulmate as we both reach for the last bottle of wiper fluid.
The past couple of months of a non-productive life style has left me chasing my tail doing a lot of absolutely nothing of value. I hate down time. As much as I try to like and enjoy it, I truly hate it. Idle minds and such. When boredom hits its astounding the things I'm likely to do to keep my mind occupied.
Makes me wonder how some people are able to enjoy it. I'm not talking about weekends and vacations days. Those are usually filled with to-do lists and fun. But when you have endless days of sameness it gets incredibly irritating.
A few weeks ago, I jokingly said to a friend, "I should get a job at (insert Fortune 500 company.) so I can write a book called "From Wall Street to..." (you can probably fill in the blank with little help). It'll keep me off the streets and allow me to do what I enjoy which is interacting with people. If there is something owning my own business taught me is that I love dealing with the public. I've got the right temperament for it. Very little rattles me and I'm less likely to punch someone in the face even if they deserve it.
Be careful what you put out to the Universe. I have said this before, I will say it again. What you put out there, COMES back even if you don't really want it.
Two days later I get an automatic email from http://www.monster.com/ that the company I was joking about had openings that fit what I was looking for. Now, my resume has been on there for months and since I never really paid attention, half the stuff that came through was of little interest and I was too lazy to change my search criteria. Given that what I would have hoped to find had zero to do with my background it was pretty much a lost cause in my opinion.
But there is was. I think I laughed and for fits and giggles (and a possible book deal in the future) went ahead and filled out the online application and took an 'assessment' test which lasted about an hour. (to make sure I'm not insane and wouldn't actually bring physical harm to a customer). The entire process was absolutely tedious but, what the heck?
To make a long and boring story short, yesterday I joined the ranks of productive and tax paying citizens as a manager in this retail giant. The organization itself is a machine and the learning curve will be fascinating. I'll know within 5 months whether this is a company I will want to grow with. If it is, then the career path for the next 15 years will be a blast and I have no doubt in my mind that I will take it as far as I choose to. Those who really know me, know that I am a dead serious about that last statement.
This has less to do with my getting a job (yes, OK...finally...are you happy now?) than realizing that when you're ready for the next step, it presents itself and all you really need to do is be aware of it. When it happens this easily, then it is the right thing for the present.
The best way to know that you're following what you are meant to for that time frame is that the pieces seem to fall into place effortlessly. By changing this one thing it will bring about different experiences and people into my life. The RUT has been broken and time will tell what the horizon looks like.
And who knows? Maybe I'll meet my soulmate as we both reach for the last bottle of wiper fluid.
Monday, September 1, 2008
Corn Dogs & Fake Tats
The past few days have been a blur. One of my dearest and closest friends drove up from NYC to spend the long weekend.
The main highlight on the agenda was a trip into Rutland to go to the annual Vermont State Fair. You haven't lived until you've seen a dairy cow judging contest. Actually we were witness to that last year and this year decided that we'd seen enough swollen udders the previous summer to last a life time. Last year we were giggling so loud that people were shooting us really terse looks because apparently we were not taking it seriously.
What do city girls know about cow judging anyway? As we questioned in stage whispers, wondering what it was exactly they were judged on, one gracious farmer laughing at our silliness volunteered the information. Udder size. All I could think was, oh my God, but PMS must be a walk in the park compared to what these poor animals go through for a ribbon.
Now THERE is a thought for a contest. Monthly PMS ribbons. Couple that with menopausal tendencies and you've got your game on. The categories would be endless. But I digress.
I've never been to any other State fair, but as far as I could see this one was the same as most fairs I have been to only on a larger scale. Fried foods from one end of the grounds to another. A clump of fried dough anyone? Sounds vile until you look at it and it looks like a giant zeppole with powdered sugar. Just the thought of eating one was enough to make me ill. It would have been my constant companion for a number of days and I would have spent the subsequent weeks vowing I would NEVER eat something like that again. I'm sure my Pavlovian response stemmed from some past fair that I have conveniently forgotten about where I actually ingested one. So be that as it may, I look at it as missing out on about 900+ calories that would have immediately found its way between me and my Levis.
Along side the various fried food and cotton candy vendors, are the typical 'games' which are designed to attract your many dollars and have you leaving with a consolation prize worth about 20c. Except perhaps the Duck Plucking which promised a "WINNER EVERY TIME". In a small pool the likes of which you might fill for a young child or your feet in the blistering heat of a summer afternoon, there were possibly 200 tiny plastic ducks. As we strolled by, the man in the orange apron yelled out "LADIES!!!! Pluck a duck? Pluck a duck?" We looked at the pool and its many multi colored inhabitants, looked at each other and considered the odds of coming home with a blow up hammer. In the end we politely said 'no thank you' and kept walking.
We walked past the many rides which would ultimately spin you senseless resulting in possibly parting with the fried dough which had been eaten in the preceding half hour. But it wasn't all games and fried foods.
There were agricultural exhibits and contests for the best in show for everything from rabbits to vegetables. We wondered exactly how an onion or a string bean is judged but couldn't find anyone to ask. Though, we did see a pumpkin which weight in at 310lbs so that one was a given.
All in all it was a nice afternoon spent with a true friend. Once we had our fill of livestock, produce and Maple everything, we did come home with our own ideas of souvenirs. Temporary tattoos, T-shirts for friends and our palms read.
I've decided to post only on Mondays from now with the occasional exception for important days.
The main highlight on the agenda was a trip into Rutland to go to the annual Vermont State Fair. You haven't lived until you've seen a dairy cow judging contest. Actually we were witness to that last year and this year decided that we'd seen enough swollen udders the previous summer to last a life time. Last year we were giggling so loud that people were shooting us really terse looks because apparently we were not taking it seriously.
What do city girls know about cow judging anyway? As we questioned in stage whispers, wondering what it was exactly they were judged on, one gracious farmer laughing at our silliness volunteered the information. Udder size. All I could think was, oh my God, but PMS must be a walk in the park compared to what these poor animals go through for a ribbon.
Now THERE is a thought for a contest. Monthly PMS ribbons. Couple that with menopausal tendencies and you've got your game on. The categories would be endless. But I digress.
I've never been to any other State fair, but as far as I could see this one was the same as most fairs I have been to only on a larger scale. Fried foods from one end of the grounds to another. A clump of fried dough anyone? Sounds vile until you look at it and it looks like a giant zeppole with powdered sugar. Just the thought of eating one was enough to make me ill. It would have been my constant companion for a number of days and I would have spent the subsequent weeks vowing I would NEVER eat something like that again. I'm sure my Pavlovian response stemmed from some past fair that I have conveniently forgotten about where I actually ingested one. So be that as it may, I look at it as missing out on about 900+ calories that would have immediately found its way between me and my Levis.
Along side the various fried food and cotton candy vendors, are the typical 'games' which are designed to attract your many dollars and have you leaving with a consolation prize worth about 20c. Except perhaps the Duck Plucking which promised a "WINNER EVERY TIME". In a small pool the likes of which you might fill for a young child or your feet in the blistering heat of a summer afternoon, there were possibly 200 tiny plastic ducks. As we strolled by, the man in the orange apron yelled out "LADIES!!!! Pluck a duck? Pluck a duck?" We looked at the pool and its many multi colored inhabitants, looked at each other and considered the odds of coming home with a blow up hammer. In the end we politely said 'no thank you' and kept walking.
We walked past the many rides which would ultimately spin you senseless resulting in possibly parting with the fried dough which had been eaten in the preceding half hour. But it wasn't all games and fried foods.
There were agricultural exhibits and contests for the best in show for everything from rabbits to vegetables. We wondered exactly how an onion or a string bean is judged but couldn't find anyone to ask. Though, we did see a pumpkin which weight in at 310lbs so that one was a given.
All in all it was a nice afternoon spent with a true friend. Once we had our fill of livestock, produce and Maple everything, we did come home with our own ideas of souvenirs. Temporary tattoos, T-shirts for friends and our palms read.
I've decided to post only on Mondays from now with the occasional exception for important days.
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