Dreams

What happens the day you realize you are living your dream? Do you recognize it? Do fireworks explode in the sky? Does a huge banner with the words CONGRATULATIONS YOU'VE MADE IT!!!! unfold in front of your home? Or is the life that got you there so overwhelming that you aren't even aware of it?

I think for me it came as a total surprise. When we come to the realization that what we put out to the heavens actually does manifest, we can finally begin to understand how powerful our thoughts are. Somewhere along the line, at least for me, I came to believe that when I eventually got what I desired it would happen in a lovely linear fashion, following a clear path with rose petals lining the way. The transition would be smooth allowing me to shed my old life slowly and graciously while my new life to took root. The checks and balances of logical thinking would open the door for a wonderful and exciting existence to deliciously unfold.

It didn't happen that way.

In order to truly and completely immerse yourself in the life you really want to live, you have to be willing to disentangle yourself from all you believe true about transition and let go of all that is keeping you from achieving your dream. I don't believe there is one of us who consciously wants to do that. The dissolution of the old, whether it is by choice or event, is the destructive force that frees us from the self imposed ties that bind.

Yesterday, while reading a post on Randy Pausch's (The Last Lecture) website, he referenced lyrics from the famous Janis Joplin song "Me & Bobby McGee":

"Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose".

For some reason at that very moment, those words took on a completely new meaning for me. The only way to truly understand your options, is to have absolutely nothing to fall back on. There are two ways to cope with a safety net being taken away. You can fall into the darkness of an abyss, or you can look at life with the open mind that there are possibilities that are now open that would never have been open if your circumstances hadn't changed.

I own a lovely vacation home on a beautiful lake. On the main level there is an alcove that until just the other day was empty. The alcove is surrounded by windows which allows the beauty of the environment to flow in giving you the sense that you are sitting outside. For years I envisioned sitting at a desk in this alcove, clicking away on my laptop typing words of wisdom. I saw myself looking at the sunlight glistening on the water. I would hear the wind chimes as they were gently nudged by a breeze. The moments that do take your breath away when you realize that we are only here for a short while and are only borrowing the beauty that was created just for us. Our responsiblity is to enjoy it.

My life circumstances came to an abrupt end some months ago and as I battled with what the next course of action was to be, and yes, the battle has been fierce, I finally resolved that I needed to be in one place in order to focus and take the necessary steps to continue. I gave up my other 'old' urban life purely because I had to. As a result I've moved completely into this vacation home on the lake.

I didn't realize until this morning, that I was living the dream I've had for years. What I didn't understand until this very minute is that the circumstances that got me here were not in the least simple, or linear or easy. They were completely and unequivocally chaotic and emotionally consuming.

But here I sit at my desk, clicking away on my laptop with a steaming cup of coffee to my right. Every now and then I glance at the sparkling water. The quiet is disturbed by the chirping of birds which fly from tree to tree and of course the wind chimes dancing on the breeze. The peacefulness that surrounds me at this very moment is the only thing I am focused on. I know that I can keep this feeling with me all day and remember it when daily life unfolds.

In retrospect, I realize that yes, God did hear me and even though I didn't think I was ready to be sitting in this alcove, He determined I was.