Ahhhhh

This night is a real snoozer.

For the past several months I've been on this 'write your book' kick. Yeah, my book. The one which will astound the masses and make them drip with envy.

The book would start out as a 'sleeper best seller'. Word of mouth over and over again until that one day when I would get 'the' call. The call almost every obscure writer could only ever dream of. I can see it now. The phone rings and yes, on the other end are the producers of Oprah. How did they find me I wonder? My number is unlisted. But there they are asking if I would grace the stage with the mighty Ms. Winfrey because my book is the latest addition to her 'Book Club".

Having owned my own bookstore I can tell you that the second Oprah decides its good, the sales EXPLODE. There is really is no other way of saying it. They EXPLODE. Check out the best seller list for the past few years. You'll understand.

I've spent much of the afternoon reading everything I have written thus far for 'my book'. I fell asleep a couple of times. Read more and got confused more often than not. Tried to make sense of 'where the hell was I going with THAT?" Among a lot of little annoyances which left me feeling like my words would cause narcoleptic episodes for anyone who would read them.

I think I managed to salvage perhaps only one page.

You might recall the movie "Funny Farm" starring Chevy Chase. He is a journalist who moves to Vermont (I believe it was shot in Woodstock, VT) to write his crime thriller. On the night of their anniversary he presents his work to his wife so that she can have the honor of reading the first draft. That is her present. Once she is finished, the camera pans to her and she begins to cry hysterically because the book is SOOOOO bad. My favorite line is when she says "And here, you have a flash sideways!!". That always cracks me up.

So, unless this work is to be chosen to put young children to sleep I think it best to start from scratch. I owe it to the reader to put out the best work I can.

And yes, when the phone does ring...I am hoping it will be someone other than my mother.