The Baggage Handler

First let me apologize for not posting. I can use the excuse that I haven't had the time, but that would be an excuse and since I do believe in owning "your shit", then I'll have to admit I've been lax.

Every time I sit at my computer, I wind up reading the papers, exchanging emails, talking to multiple friends on IM and catching up on the 'breaking' BS of what they call entertainment news.

1: I don't really care how much weight Brit has gained or lost
2: it is a way for me to avoid posting.

I have been working on another project so that has taken time away from this but I haven't written a word on that either. Its all hovering in my head. I have also found myself very deep in contemplating the next course of action. In that respect I've been mulling over an opportunity that makes no sense to anyone but me and barely that.

My friends here think I'm completely nuts and one even went as far as breaking down the economics of such a move. To his credit, he is absolutely correct and it doesn't make any sense, but having had very little to do in the past 6 weeks since I sold my store the reality of 'down time' is finally taken a toll on my mental stability. Its all well and good to contemplate your way through life but part of the balance is being productive.

I have been productive for over 30 years. I got my first job out of high school, worked my way through college and built a career in an industry I loved. I didn't stop working until July 3rd of this year which is the day I signed the contract to sell my business. So even though I dreamed for many years about "doing what I wanted" without the confines of a desk job, I realize that it isn't all that it is cracked up to be. It can get incredibly dull.

The one thing I know is that I don't want the life I had. That much I am certain of. But, how do you translate 27 years of Wall Street chaos into a normal life and is that even possible?

The other night I had a very odd dream that stayed with me for the better part of the day. Now, my dreams view more like mini epics (ask any of my friends who I relay my dreams to), but given scientific data, that is impossible.

In my dream I was going on a vacation and needed to pick up my luggage which was in a friend's basement. When I found both pieces (which I do actually own in 'real' life) I was annoyed to find that they were already heavy with clothes. I unzipped them and saw stacks of perfectly folded t-shirts. My annoyance turned in elation when I realized that they were clothes I loved and had completely forgotten about during my many moves. As I sorted through them I got excited that I recognized some of my favorites and immediately thought "Wow!! this is great! I didn't remember I had these." But, as I picked up each one, I noted that they were in fact old, some very worn and all were faded. Why I had saved them and hung on to them all these years was a question that in my dream state I asked myself.

OK. So the metaphor is a tad obvious? We talk about 'baggage' being apart of our lives and basically if you're over 7 years old...you have some.

The dream stayed with me all day but more so than what was actually happening in the dream, it was more a question of how I felt. The old stuff, the stuff that I loved, the stuff that held a special place in my life and heart no longer has any reason for being a part of my life now.

When discussing this job with my friend, he said (with what I interpreted to be hint of disgust in his voice) "Well, then maybe you should just cop out and go back to NY to the familiar and comfortable instead of breaking out, taking a risk and doing something new?" I never thought of it that way, but a part of me is very unsure of jumping into this void where the only net I'll have is the one I create. But if I trust that its time to 'throw away' the stuff that I can no longer use, then I'll have to trust that there is a reason they no longer have a place in this new life I'm building.

(Comments welcome and appreciated)