My Yin & Yang Ratio is Off

Like the equivalent of an emotional mullet, it has become increasing apparent to me that my Yin/Yang balance is...well...unbalanced.

I'm all business in the front (Yang) and very little party in the back (Yin). For those of you who are not familiar with the Chinese theory of opposing forces, in a nutshell it is what is considered the balance of feminine (Yin)/masculine (Yang) energies...which by the way...has NOTHING to do with the male or female gender. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yin_and_yang

A few years ago, while dining with a relatively new friend (at the time) we were talking about life views and the like and he said to me "You are the strongest person I've ever met." Now, mind you, coming from a man who I thought was far stronger than I, I was not exactly thrilled by the comment. It hit me in a very negative way and I think I took offense though obviously he was not talking brute strength for I'm sure he could have pinned me in 3.2 seconds.

OK. I'm learning to accept the fact that I am a strong person and as I come to better know who I really am, I am FINALLY understanding why I attract a certain type of individual (male) into my life.

When a pattern gets repetitive, as in the dynamics of negative relationships, there are twos ways to think about it.

1- I'm just unlucky in that department
or
2-What is it that I am doing that creates an attraction to a tumultuous relationship?

After the demise of a particularly stressful one recently (totally unbalanced...as in WAY too much yang), I had to really stop and think about why this was happening yet again. The pattern (as pointed out by a friend) was the same.

As a strong female, I tend to attract incredibly strong male counterparts which I admire and respect. If that was all there was to it, then there would be no problem. But, that is not the case. The added issues are (and herein lies the pattern) that almost every relationship I've had the man has had some serious issues with some form of addiction and his Mother. It took this last go round to figure that out. Lets face it, in a romantic relationship that last thing I want to be viewed as is my lover's archetypal mother.

It is far easier to look at this stuff at face value when there is little emotional investment. When you leave the component of expectations out of it and accept people for who they are, the relationship will either survive or die on its own with little help. The only time an unhealthy relationship outlives its usefulness is when the parties involved refuse to accept that there is something they are doing that is creating the drama. Everything we do, everyone we interact with is a deliberate choice in how we want to live.

Instead of trying to 'fix' this situation, I just viewed it from the vantage point of an observer with no judgements. Just curiosity. I took my own ego and pride out of the equation. As a result, the destruction was immediate with no help from me. It was actually quite refreshing. The relationship spit itself out because it was not in the interest of my higher good..or his for that matter. Whatever it was he thought he needed was not coming from me. He will find his way when he is ready.

Now that I realize my Yin is way off I know what it will take to find the ideal balance and not waste time with those who throw me off kilter.