An Anniversary of Sorts

Last August, I began an eight week sabbatical. I had booked a bike ride along the Oregon Coast's 350+ miles, with a company called Cycling Escapes http://cyclingescapes.com/ (little plug there). After 30 years of working non-stop, with 27 of them on Wall Street, to say I was burned out would have been an understatement of colossal proportions. I used this bike trip as the foundation for some much desired and needed time away from everything.

Little did I know that as a result of my hiatus, how I was about to react to one of the most cataclysmic course changes of my entire life would be surprising, even to me.

For the past several years I had been increasingly dissatisfied in my career, but like most people voluntary change is not appealing for a myriad of reasons. Responsibilities are endless. Financial, familial, social…etc. There is a theory that when you reach a higher level of awareness, all the things in your life that no longer suit you, spit you out.

On December 7th, the world as I had built it for myself came to an abrupt end. With the unexpected exodus of our firm’s single largest client, I finally got my wish. I was free. I think I had a mini breakdown that night when it all hit home. I cried for what seemed like hours (probably not more than 30 minutes) but whether that was induced by the second bottle of wine, feeling sorry for myself, or realizing that I was no longer going to be a part of an amazingly talented group of people, I’m not sure. Somewhere buried in there was the fact that I was relieved I did not have to make the choice to leave and that circumstances beyond my control were making that decision for me. It was scary as hell.

I’d wanted to walk away from the business for many years prior and the perfect opportunity had now presented itself. My friends thought I was crazy. I was ill prepared for this type of change. I’m nowhere near retirement age but then it dawned on me, if I want to do what I really love, then I couldn’t be stuck in an industry I’d come to detest.

It has not been easy. The adjustments have been huge on many levels. As much as I miss the people I love, my family, my unbelievable friends, my cerebral soulmate (who continues to inspire me), I know they are but a phone call, IM or text message away.

I am extremely fortunate to have met and become acquainted with some extraordinary people here as well. Everyone, from this saint of a man, who humors me when I want to play pool, (he has endless patience because I so totally suck. The idea of physics is lost on me) to anyone else I see on a continuous basis, make this town a truly wonderful place to be. Sure there are ups and downs. I don’t let people into my life easily and get ridiculously defensive when I feel my personal space is being violated, but that’s just me. It is hard to undo 47 years behavior. But I’m trying.

So as I become more immersed in this new life, I know the time is approaching to take that next step. I always felt I would know what it would be when the time was right, I just had to be patient

The patience is paying off.

PS: I’ve been up since 1:30am so if this post is a tad more introspective than most…well then…that’s what happens when you are wide awake in the middle of the night.