The Chipmucks Are Running Amuck

My mornings here begin pretty much the same as most mornings will when you have a routine.

I walk my dog, a 4lb 13oz Yorkie named Zia, whom I love to pieces. Being a ratter by breed, Zia preference for the outdoors is less a call of nature than the possiblity of chasing chipmunks into New Hampshire. For a number of reasons, I don't let her out without being secured by a leash. Following her instincts she could disappear for hours on a quest for her holy grail.

Chipmunk stew.

Zia is 9 now, but as a pup, I learned very quickly that you do not leave a tiny dog unattended outside in Vermont. The summer she was 2, she vanished into the foliage for over 3 hours (undoubtedly to chase a chipmunk) just as I was about to head back home to NYC. Heart racing over the fact that I'd lost her, I choked back tears at the thought that I might have to abandon her to the woods, or worst yet, her fate on Rte 100.

Out of desperation I rattled a box of Pepperidge Farm Goldfish (her favorite treat at the time) up an down my road. That did the trick. It turned out she was just a few yards away but because of her coloring she blended with her surroundings. She was so engrossed in the smells found in the woods that I ceased to exist. (She now has a bell on her harness so that if I can't see her, at least I can hear where she is).

Chipmunks run around my property like tiny blurs streaking across the patio. They will come up to my sliding doors and stand on the top step and squeak. Zia goes berserk. She will stand there for hours and bark out of frustration that she cannot get at her prize on the other side of the screen door, a mere foot away.

This morning I wondered whether I was protecting the chipmunks or her. I don't relish seeing chipmunk guts on my pavers, and though it is her instinct to try, I don't believe for one minute she'd ever actually catch one. I am really protecting her and that can only be done if I take away her ability to do what she was born to do.

How many times do we not allow someone to follow their instinct in the name of protection? We do that with children so that they will learn enough to function without us. But what about as adults? How often do we ask, or demand that someone not be who they are? Are we protecting them or the relationship?

When we are involved with someone who is vastly different from who we are, we have a tendency to try to change them in order to have them fit with how we live thereby 'protecting' our existence. Most of the time it isn't even obvious, but since we think our way is better, it stands to reason that we will subtly and sometimes unknowingly try to influence the behavior of another. It is usually reinforced, not by what we 'allow' them to do (because we are so understanding), but what we suggest they 'don't'.

The true courage of love is our ability to allow a person to be who and what they are without judgement. Our need to protect ourselves cannot be a part of it. Only when we allow another their mistakes can we be free to make the decision as to whether or not a relationship can grow. Unlike a 4lb dog, emotionally or spiritually tethering someone for our own purposes will destroy their core.

The chipmunks in our lives appear continuously and in varied ways. Only the individual can determine whether they are worth chasing.