Expectations

I have always felt that you can only experience disappointment in another if you expect something of them they were never capable of giving in the first place. To make it simple, you do not go to the optometrist to fill a cavity.

Many personal relationships, whether they be familial, romantic or friendship are built on false expectations thereby creating an illusion of perfection that does not exists and lost is the reality of what the individuals themselves actually bring to the union. The idea that 'other' people should act the way we would like them to, results in much frustration. To accept someone for who they truly are is really a look at ourselves.

We use words like short comings to describe a lack of some sort in another. But truly, what is that? To acknowledge that in someone implies that they are not meeting our standards which are based on a biased personal judgement. Who can ever compete with that? Its no wonder that many relationships fail miserably.

The other day I asked a friend an opinion on an idea that I have. In the ensuing conversation he made a comment (surely in jest) to imply that if I was foolish enough to seek his help with bringing this idea to life, his behavior (and I'm assuming he meant, lack of commitment to the idea itself) would result in me being so grossly disappointed in him that I would want to see him come to bodily harm.

I would like to think of myself as being very astute when it comes to understanding people and human nature and know that I am extremely confident in that I recognized people's strength in a way that perhaps they do not. For me to have asked this person for his opinion on this particular matter, in my mind was a confirmation of something I am absolutely certain of and that is that he has the knowledge I need to structure this idea into something viable.

This is a person whom I respect immensely and admire profoundly. Knowing this individual has inspired me to want to be the best I can be so I was taken aback by his response thus causing me to ask myself some questions about my own behavior and attitude. Do I give off an air of such high expectations that I would possibly ask someone their opinion and assistance knowing full well they could never 'meet' my standards?

The short is answer is 'no'. I would not. If my question was of another nature, I would have asked someone else. To deliberately set someone up for failure is not something I can even comprehend. Yes, I do expect perfection, but I expect it of myself. Though, I am fully aware that it is impossible to achieve. When it comes to others, I only see who they are and not what I wish them to be. I have said in the past I am hard myself. It is true, but getting better. If I demanded that people live up to whatever their idea of my standards are, I would truly live a lonely and unhappy life. Who would put up with that? No one. I certainly wouldn't. It would be too hard.

I am a firm believer that people come into our lives, not so we can teach them, but so that we can learn who we really are by our interaction with them. Each person brings a unique stamp to any relationship and if based on mutual respect for the reality of who each individual is, then the rest is easy. When there is a lack of respect for the core or soul of another, then there can never be a satisfying relationship no matter what it is based on.

If we understand who the individuals in our lives truly are at their core, then we can interact with them in a way that first, makes us want to be the best we can and secondly perhaps invites the same in them.

When a person can be comfortable about who they are when they are with you, then the opportunity to witness the greatness of another human being presents itself. Imagine the self imposed bar being lowered. A person can feel free to act like who they are and NOT what they think YOU expect. Amazing things happen. They not only surprise you but more importantly they surprise themselves.

In fact, we are at our best when we are comfortable and secure in showing who we really are and knowing that we are in company that appreciates us for that one detail.